


More Than I Can Stand

by illyriazshell



Category: Glee
Genre: Consensual Infidelity, Consent Issues, M/M, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-18
Updated: 2012-07-23
Packaged: 2017-11-10 05:11:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 27,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/462546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/illyriazshell/pseuds/illyriazshell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt figures that if Sebastian can engage in casual sex without batting an eyelash, so can he.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I set out to write a cute, short, fluffy fic, and in that regard, I failed catastrophically. This is messy, overlong and angsty as hell. My sincerest apologies for people who read this looking only for porn.

He wasn’t going to think about him. He wasn’t.

He wasn’t going to think about him as he greedily sucked the new tongue that plunged deep into his mouth, tasting him while he moaned. He wasn’t going to think about him as his hand pressed flat against a cheek with distinctly different stubble. He certainly wasn’t going to think about him as he felt a hand hitch his leg up and guided him to wrap his lower body around a solid waist, the bulge in his pants now pressing hard against the strong, chiselled stomach he could feel through the thin fabric of the undershirt while another bulge was seated right below his ass.

Kurt just let himself fall into the kiss, fall into the sensation of new lips, new tongue, new hands, arms, legs, _everything,_ on him. He let the scent of different aftershave overtake him, floating on the sinful delight of wanting this, getting this, having this, and pushing all thoughts of meaning and consequences and what this might be doing to his heart down, down, _away_ , squashing them. He wanted so badly, needed to keep going, needed to give in to the rush of it all and forget anything that might be holding him back.

In the dark room, candles lit, soft jazz weaving its way in and out of Kurt’s consciousness, he used his arms and legs to push and pull himself, up and down, swallowing moans as he rode the hardness while whimpering at the blissfully torturous sensation from the friction of his own erection against the perfectly sculpted torso. Eventually it was too much, balance was lost, and soon Kurt was tumbling back onto the bed.

Kurt realized that this was _beyond_ unlike him; like he was watching someone else straddling the pelvis beneath him, pinning arms down and leaning in to kiss ferociously. As if he was an observer from his own body;  feeling through someone else’s eyes, their mouth, their hands, their cock and their insatiable need to keep going, keep exploring and keep disregarding the aching in his heart that told him this was _wrong_. It would do him no good to listen, and he was too far gone to want to anyway.

As he was flipped over and came down hard into the mattress, being straddled in turn as the weight pressed down on him, Kurt keened at the sensation of hands tracing his body while he ran his own down the firm back above him. Wet lips on his neck, kissing and licking and sucking hard, and suddenly that was enough to pull him ever so slightly out of his lust fueled haze.

“Please,” Kurt gasped out. “Please don’t leave a mark. I can’t—“

But what he couldn’t do was lost as a warm hand found his bulge, squeezing lightly and making him groan.

He arched his back, letting incomprehensible sounds tumble from his lips, begging for just a little bit more pressure. Maybe he’d come too quickly and he'd be free to walk away before this went too far, but he looked up into the eyes above him and he really _really_ didn’t want to. He wanted this escape, this fantasy come to life. He wanted it all to last and he really didn’t want to think about after.

Oh, god. _After_.

“You’re not going to tell…” Kurt panted. “You’re not going to let this get out to _anyone_ , are you? You can’t.”

Not having anyone find out was important of course, but in this instance, it was crucial that it was understood that ‘anyone’ meant a very specific someone.

“Don’t worry,” was the response. “I saw your wedding invite. I know.”

“It’s just, I don’t want him to think—“

But Kurt was cut off. “He wouldn’t understand. And I know he’d go insane, _oh god_ ,” hissing as Kurt’s own hand had found its way down, cupping, “with j-jealousy and, _uhhh,_ probably punch my face into a pulp if he found out it was with me. Can’t have tha- _Fuck._ ”  Gasping. “My lips are sealed.”

Kurt tugged roughly at the undershirt above him and sealed those lips with his own. He couldn’t let his nerves get the best of him, not now. He hoped melting into the kiss could remedy those fears.

But now his brain was catching up with his body, his mind going into overdrive, and he simply wasn’t being swept away as effortlessly as he had been moments before. Now that he’d let one through, dozens of worries began seeping through the cracks. A harsh light was being shone on illusion of paradise; the heat and joy of being kissed and caressed and held and ground into becoming eclipsed by the sudden realization of exactly what he was doing.

And with whom.

 “Did…” Kurt bit his lip as he maintained the friction of at the joining of lower bodies, “there wasn’t money involved, was there?”

“No.” Laughing, and Kurt’s arm was pinned above his head. “I haven’t sunk that low.”

“Oh god!” Kurt rushed out, half embarrassment, half a cry of pleasure. “I didn’t mean-…I just-…I’d hoped that you _wanted_ to be here.”

“Of course I want to be here.” A hand ran softly along Kurt’s cheek as the movement ceased. “Why wouldn’t I?”

Too many responses flooded Kurt’s mind, he almost didn’t know where to begin. After pausing for a moment while their bodies remained pressed together, motionless, he came back with the most obvious.

“Are you even gay?”

“Uh…” A wry smile above him was cracked at that, and at the flash of perfect pearly whites Kurt’s heart fluttered. “Not really.”

Kurt frowned, forehead crinkling as he considered.

“’Not really’ as in you’re not at all? Or ‘not really’ as in you’re a little bit bi?”

Chuckling above him made Kurt blush. “Does it matter?”

Kurt opened his mouth to insist that it most certainly did, but his voice got caught in his throat as he gasped loudly, sparks of pleasure passing through him as a very stiff erection was ground rather pointedly into his. He blinked rapidly a few times, glanced back into the eyes above him,  and felt his insides swirl in the most pleasant of ways, falling back into their warmth again.

“Not really,” Kurt shrugged. And laughter echoed throughout the room.

Kurt’s leg was grasped, the underside of his thigh clutched so tightly Kurt couldn’t help but moan. He wanted skin on skin. He started to use his free hand to tug the undershirt up and off before its owner pulled back, kneeled upright and removing it himself. Kurt was practically drooling, propped up on his elbows, missing the close contact already but gratified nonetheless as his eyes drank in the sight before him.

“You are a _god._ ” Kurt was in total awe. “You are a god and I am so not worthy.”

“Hey, now.”  A hand was brought to the side of Kurt’s face, a thumb lightly stroking his cheek while Kurt thrummed in response. “You are plenty gorgeous, Kurt Hummel. Don’t you dare think otherwise.”

Kurt blushed crimson at the flattery, nearly fainting from lack of blood flow, but he shook his head.

“It’s not that.” He eyed his partner. “Well it’s not _just_ that.” He chuckled nervously. “I don’t deserve this.”

No laugh this time, just careful concern. “Do you want to stop?”

“No!” Kurt piped up immediately. He let out a calmer breath. “No, it’s not…I want you, I want to do this. I’ve made up my mind. As long as you want to, I mean.”

“Oh I’m definitely game.” Weight on the bed shifted, and Kurt was pulled into strong arms, back pressed against a thick, strong, muscular torso that was so perfect Kurt wanted to cry. “It’s just, I’m guessing that maybe you’re doing this for the wrong reasons?”

Kurt did start to tear up a bit then, choking out a hollow laugh. “Are there _right_ reasons?”

A sharp breath. “I’m no expert on relationships, but I can think of a few.” Sighing. “Listen, Kurt, I know you love him, and I sensing that you’re worried that this is going to jeopardize everything. But I wouldn’t be here with you if it all wasn’t so much more complicated than that.”

Kurt felt fingers stroking his stomach tenderly. He mewled at the soft contact, pressing his face against the warm flesh of the chest behind him. “It's just…what if I was wrong? What if we both were wrong and right now I’m risking—“

“He’ll survive.” A hand softly rested on Kurt’s head. “I’m much more worried about you.”

“Contrary to popular belief, I’m not some delicate flower,” Kurt protested. “I can do this. I want to do this.” Kurt shook his head, trying to gather the resolve he’d had moments earlier. “Just…keep kissing me, okay?”

A tentative nod before the hand on his head drifted to his jaw, carefully tilting Kurt’s chin upwards. Kurt’s twisted his head behind him to receive the kiss.

At first it was chaste, soft lips touching as Kurt trying to blink away the tears that had welled up, light smacking of puckered lips the only sound echoing throughout the room for minutes. Or possibly hours, Kurt couldn’t tell. Slowly, ever so slowly, the kisses deepened; the tide of calm and warm and pleasure rolling in and pulling back to wash away any uncertainties. The hand behind his head gripped him, gently, and he ran his fingers up and down that beautiful torso, tracing patterns. Just touching. Touching and melting and kissing and just being there and present and content.

Taking it slow was something Kurt had been afraid of, fearing it would let him think too much and thinking too much about this was, at the very least, counterproductive. But now he was actually here, now Kurt was totally immersed, he allowed himself to concede that maybe letting himself dip his toe in gradually, rather than diving in headfirst, might just have been the better course of action.

However, a harsh cough from across the room startled Kurt out of his trance, forcing him to break the kiss, and making him suddenly aware that not everyone present agreed.

“Excuse me,” Sebastian said.

Kurt froze and flushed.

Sebastian’s eyes flickered between both Kurt and the man is Kurt's embrace before he spoke through a cold, mocking laugh.

“This half-clothed make-out session is really adorable in a PG-13, Disney princess kind of way. But it’s been going on almost _twenty_ minutes.”

Kurt tried to wordlessly communicate his apology as he gazed back timidly into Sebastian’s eyes, but Sebastian's attention was no longer focused on him. Instead, his irritation was directed to the man in Kurt’s arms.

“Don’t get me wrong, this is all very sweet and innocent and romantic. I can see him eating it up and it’s really quite precious.” His tone was dripping with false-sincerity as he reclined back into the chair, crossing his ankle over his knee and interlinking his hands behind his head. “But can we move it along, past this whole ‘two high-schoolers parked at Make-Out Point’ scene, and skip to the part where you fuck my fiancé?” 


	2. Chapter 2

It had all started as a misguided attempt to assuage Kurt’s insecurities.

If he’d truly thought back on it, it had been a fear that had gradually built up over the course of their rushed, twisted, passionate relationship. But without a doubt, the incident that had brought it to the forefront of his mind was when Sebastian had proposed.

Sebastian Smythe had _proposed_. To _him_.

Sebastian “the-cumulative-average-length-of-a-relationship-with-me-is-roughly-half-an-hour” Smythe intended to be lawfully bound forever to Kurt “movies adapted from Nicolas Sparks novels are _my_ pornography” Hummel.

And after a week and a half of basking in the glow of his overwhelming joy, when the excitement of digging through his chest of wedding planning scrapbooks had started to dull, Kurt had suddenly and unexpectedly been gripped with terror.

If he had been asked at the time to coherently explain the thought processes behind this secret anxiety, he might have babbled gibberish about monogamy and commitment and inevitability before he’d realized it was paranoid nonsense and abandoned it altogether.

But no one had asked him, and he was far too ashamed to admit that he was dwelling on this to risk bringing it up to anyone, _especially_ his fiancé. So as Kurt publicly engaged in overjoyed phone calls and celebratory dinner parties to spread the good news, he was very privately spiralling into a dark pit of uncertainty and despair.

Until one day he’d determined he couldn’t stay there any longer. He was marrying the man he loved, who loved him back, and since one of their biggest commonalities was their unwavering refusal to accept any obstacles in their way, he came to the conclusion that if he was going to make this marriage work, he needed to refuse to let this eventual barrier stand.  He needed to be proactive. He needed to tackle it head on. He needed to control the fallout.

Which is how, a month after his proposal, Sebastian had come home to Kurt, face plastered with false bravado, sitting on their leather sofa next to Kevin.

“And, pardon my french, but _who the fuck_ is Kevin?” Sebastian asked, skipping pleasantries. He generally skipped pleasantries.

“ _Kevin,_ ” Kurt began in his trademark sales pitch sweetness, “is in his second year of Political Science at NYU. His extracurricular interests include basketball, Kanye West and…you said beer?”

“Lagers, actually,” Kevin corrected.

“Lagers.” Kurt amended happily; he took Kevin’s arm and started stroking it appreciatively, moving his hand up and squeezing his biceps before turning back to Sebastian and looking at him suggestively. “Isn’t he handsome, Bas?”

Kurt knew Sebastian would think so; he had many types, and Kevin definitely fit into one of his favourites.

“Well," Sebastian looked at the boy, "he could stand to lose the nose ring and spacers; I feel like hitching him to the back of my Jeep and dragging him behind me on a skateboard.”

Kurt could feel Kevin tense beside him, but Sebastian rolled his eyes.

“Relax, Tony Hawk; I’d hitchhike before I’d ever consider stepping foot in a Jeep.” Sebastian measured him up before turning to Kurt. “But, yeah, I’d fuck him.”

Kurt hadn’t expected to feel both accomplished and stung at the same time, but he choked down his unhappiness to force a smirk. “Perfect.”

After blinking for a several very long, awkward moments, Sebastian cut through the silence. “What?

“He’s clean!” Kurt spat out quickly. “I checked! I made him go to the doctor’s to get tested first; clean bill of health.” He tried to give the most reassuring of smiles. “Also no felonies.”

“Wait Kurt, wait.” Sebastian dropped his briefcase. He closed his eyes in disbelief, pinching the bridge of his nose “You went through all the trouble of planning something as huge as this without so much as _mentioning_ it first? Let alone asking me?”

“I wanted to surprise you!” Kurt stood up, instinctively indignant. Kevin flinched. “God, no good deed goes unpunished with you, does it?”

“ _Kurt_ ,” Sebastian groaned. “Don’t play that card; you know that’s not what this is about. You’re the one who always insists we talk about anything first in case I ever pull something that freaks you out. And yet here you are, pulling a surprise threesome out of you a—“

“It’s not a threesome!” Kurt interjected. Because, well, it wasn’t.

Once again, Sebastian looked stunned. “I’m sorry… _what?!?_ ”

Kurt glanced bashfully down at his interlocked hands, unable to meet Sebastian’s eyes when he subtly quirked his head back to Kevin. His voice was barely above a whisper. “I want-, well, I just thought…it would be you and him. I got him for you. Only. Not me.”

Kurt could feel Sebastian narrowing his eyes, even if he couldn’t see it. “You don’t want to be part of it at all?”

Kurt shook his head.

“You just want the two of us to fuck.” Sebastian’s voice was even, monotone, as if he was stating facts instead of asking questions. “You’re _giving_ him to me.”

“Not like permanently or anything, right?” Kevin piped up. “Like he told me it’s just a one time thing. You’re hot and all, but I’m not into, like, being anybody’s sex slave or whatever.”

Sebastian ignored the younger man and stepped forward, placing one hand on Kurt’s shoulder and a finger under his chin, forcing Kurt to look up at him. Kurt’s face burned even redder, if that was possible, when his fiancé’s eyes caught his.

“How in the hell did I not pick up that this was something you wanted?” Sebastian asked genuinely, clearly distressed.

_Because I don’t!_ Kurt wanted to scream. _I don’t want to do this; I need to do this because I know you may be okay with sleeping with anyone but I want you to always come home to me._

But he didn’t say any of that,  because that sounded _horrible_ , so he opted instead to simply shrug. “I didn’t know how…to put it into words you’d understand.”

Sebastian gazed at him intensely, inquisitively, clearly trying to reconcile something that wasn't clicking. But after a minute, his expression softened, chuckling and pulling him up for a kiss. Kurt’s whole body warmed at the affection behind it. “God, for a kinky son of a bitch, you never stop being hilariously schoolgirl about it. A-fucking-dorable.”

Kurt blushed again, half at the words, half at how they were so not what this was about but he was too embarrassed to voice what was actually happening right now. “So, you want to?”

Sebastian glanced over Kurt’s shoulder to the awkwardly seated third party, staring pointedly at the floor. “Yeah,” Sebastian said appraisingly. “Let me shower first, but yeah, he’ll do. I’m down.” He snapped to get Kevin’s attention. “Hey, kid, top or bottom?”

“I’m good with either,” Kevin shrugged. “Whatever you want.”

“What do _you_ want babe?” Sebastian asked and Kurt froze, at a total loss for words.

Sebastian leaned forward, pressing their bodies together so he whispered in Kurt’s ear. Kurt shivered as the hot breath tickled his throat, their closeness sending spurs of pleasure down his spine.

“Do you want me to ride him?” Sebastian inquired, voice thick with arousal. “Impale myself over and over on this hot stranger’s cock? Or do you want me to bend him over and pound into him mercilessly? I could grip his hips hard enough to leave bruises for a _month,_ so that long after I’ve forgotten about him, he’ll still be thinking of me, kicking himself for making that dumbass remark about not wanting to be my fuck-toy.”

Kurt could only groan at Sebastian’s words, the images they evoked going straight to his groin while simultaneously chipping away at his heart. Sebastian was the only one in the world that knew that despite Kurt’s seemingly chaste and passive exterior, he thrived on rough dirty talk, the type of which Sebastian seemingly had an unlimited supply. But to use it on him now, laughing at how Kurt’s body betrayed his despair as he stroked Kurt’s bulge through his pants, was nothing short of cruel.

“Or did you have some other, more _romantic_ scenario you wanted to see play out? Flower petals, candles, ‘As Long as You’re Mine’ playing softly in the background?” Sebastian teased before he started kissing Kurt’s neck. And Kurt was so worked up that he couldn’t contain his gasp despite fighting back tears.

Because the real scenario Kurt had wanted, deep-down truly needed, to play out was for Sebastian to have outright rejected Kurt’s offer, sending Kevin away and telling Kurt that he was the only one he ever wanted to be with. And most importantly, Kurt wanted to _believe_ him. Wanted to be one hundred percent certain that not only was it a genuine sentiment now, but would be true for the rest of their lives.

But, in a way, this was easier, Kurt supposed, though it pained him. Because he didn’t think that the latter half of the scenario was possible; he _knew_ never not have those fears festering in the back of his brain, even if Sebastian had dismissed Kurt’s offer.

Really, it was better that they were avoiding all that uncertainty and anxiety by making it clear now. Sebastian was okay with sleeping with a stranger, someone who wasn’t Kurt. Kurt knew that now, and it was kind of a relief. At least he knew what he was up against.

Not that it would make it any easier to witness…

“Wait. ‘See play out’?” Kurt asked, confused. “You want me to watch?”

Sebastian pulled back from there embrace a little, laughing hesitantly. “Um, yeah? Isn’t that the whole _point_ of this?”

In retrospect, that was probably the best opening Kurt was going to get to just be honest. But he had been too caught up in the warring emotions evoked by the thought of watching Sebastian with this gorgeous _other_ man. And Sebastian had seemed so thrilled and turned on at the prospect, and Kurt hadn’t been thinking clearly, so he’d just licked his lips and nodded.

Sebastian chuckled again and pulled him in for another kiss. “Always full of surprises; I knew there was a reason I wanted to marry you.”

Sebastian pulled away and hustled to the bedroom. When he reached the doorway however, he twisted around and leaned against the frame, looking Kurt up and down disbelievingly.

“You freaky little voyeur. I can't believe I never picked up on it." Sebastian shook his head, looking up at the ceiling and laughing. "And yet, _god_ , thinking back, I should have just fucking _known_.” 

Sebastian laughed again before disappearing into the bedroom. Kurt’s smile faded instantly and he wrapped his arms around himself, trying to will the hurt away so he could get through the night.

He was only shaken out of his spiral into self-loathing when he jumped at Kevin standing beside him seconds later.

“What’s a voyeur?” Kevin asked.

Kurt shook his head, saccharine act completely dropped now that Sebastian was no longer present.

“Well it’s French, so I can guess, but honestly I have no idea how that translates to what’s about to happen. I only ever try to tell him what I want; he’s the one who always knows what the frikkin’ term for it is.”

But since it was taking all his effort in that moment to not collapse on the spot in a fit of tears, whatever the term meant, Kurt was positive it didn’t apply to him.

\---

Later that night however, to his complete surprise, Kurt had discovered that he was very, _very_ wrong.

\---

“So, I was thinking we might try getting Steve back for next week.”

Sebastian didn’t even look up from his book. “Who’s Steve?”

Kurt sat up, twisting out from underneath Sebastian’s arm, and turning around to stare him down.

“Uh, _Steve_? The gorgeous guy from two nights ago that was thrusting into you so hard that we’re going to have retouch the wall behind the headboard?”

Kurt smirked and licked his lips at the memory.

Steve had been more creative than the others, something that Kurt had definitely appreciated. If they were going to stray outside of their relationship to keep his fiancé satisfied, they might as well think outside of the box while they’re at it.

Normally Kurt took his vantage point from the foot of the bed, sitting in a rather exquisitely styled and plush red chair, which had been purchased from one of his favourite boutiques specifically for the purpose of their "special encounters." Its width and length of the seat meant that he could comfortably spread his legs wide while he pleasured himself, leaning back into the soft, comfy backing without losing sight of the delectably erotic show before him. However, two nights ago, _Steve_ had proposed that, even if he refused to participate (as he always did), there was still a way for Kurt to have a more immersive experience.

Which is how Kurt had found his hands bound with scarves while Sebastian was bent over top, facing him with their chests less than a foot apart.  Sebastian had been clutching the headboard on either side of Kurt’s head while Steve had been behind him, pounding into him ruthlessly. It has been the most delightful torture Kurt had ever experienced; Sebastian right there, his whole body inches from Kurt’s own, sweating and panting and on the verge of coming for such an extended period of time. Meanwhile Kurt had been completely helpless, unable to reach out and run his hands down his fiancé’s chest, along the powerful, taut muscles of his legs and ass.  Powerless in his bound state, unable to reach forward and wrap his hands around Sebastian’s cock to give him the release he’d so visibly, desperately needed.

When Sebastian had leaned forward and kissed him, Kurt hadn’t even cared that they were breaking the rules because as their mouths were sliding together, so were their cocks and the sensation had been nearly pure bliss. He kept jerking up his hips and groaning, fixated on how perfect it would be if Sebastian could slide in him and fuck him while being fucked himself (the angle wouldn’t have worked and he hadn’t even been properly prepared, but in that moment it had been all he’d wanted, he was so _close_ ). And when the man pounding into Sebastian, who’s face Kurt couldn’t even see, had been wise enough to sense their mutual closeness, he’d reached around with a lubed hand, wrapping it around both of their cocks and stroking them both to completion. Kurt had been too far gone to mind the strange hand on him, his moans of pleasure swallowed by his fiancé as they both came together in streaks across Kurt’s chest.

Oh yes, Steve had been very good. Kurt didn’t mind admitting to himself, or Sebastian, that he was eager to see what else the guy could come up with in future encounters.

However, Sebastian looked less than enthused at the suggestion.

Kurt started tracing patterns on Sebastian’s thigh, pressing on regardless “I mean, I don’t want to say which day, because I know you love it when it’s a surprise, but—”

“Kurt,” Sebastian cut him off, chuckling, “I’d really rather not use him again.”

Kurt’s forehead crumpled and he pouted at that, his protest coming out more of a whine than he meant it to. “But he was so good…”

“That night was amazing. One for the books. So fucking hot.” Sebastian leaned forward to capture Kurt in a reassuring kiss. “But I’ve already got a fiancé; I’m really not looking for a _boyfriend_.”

He held Kurt’s jaw in his hand, stroking his thumb against his cheek as he gazed happily into his eyes.

Kurt was concerned, however, that it looked like his near perfect solution was failing. He tried to fight for it one last time, not coming off nearly as assertive as he’d hoped.

“It’s just that, finding someone, you know, who’s willing to do this, who’s attractive and nice enough and _clean_ , it’s all so much work, and I just thought that…since we know Steve’s all of those things, and we know he’s good with you in bed…”

“Well for one thing babe, if it’s really that much work, maybe twice a month is a little too frequent for you to be finding a stranger for me to fuck.” Sebastian laughed as he stroked softly up and down the arm keeping Kurt propped up. “Not that I don’t appreciate all of your efforts, but _maybe_ we could cut back?”

Kurt felt a surge of both relief and worry at that; as much as he’d really come to enjoy their third party encounters, it was rather reassuring that Sebastian wanted to spend less time fucking other men. But there was also a small part of him that felt like he’d failed, which kicked off the train of thoughts about the consequences of him failing, namely Sebastian seeking all of this outside Kurt’s control.

Even if he was mistaken about what caused it, Sebastian could see the anxiety on Kurt’s features and he kissed him again to try and soothe it away. “Don’t worry, babe. It’s not like I’m saying ‘never again’; I know how much this means to you.”

He pulled Kurt closer to him and flipped him around so they were in the same position they had been in moments earlier, Kurt leaning against Sebastian, head resting on his chest while Sebastian’s arm held him loosely. Kurt reached for the Vogue he’d put down earlier, trying to distract himself from the chatter in his head.

After a while had passed and he’d managed to mostly push it aside, Sebastian piped up again, “Is it too late to put in a request?”

Kurt merely hummed questioningly.

“Well, like the last guy—“

“Steve.”

“Yeah, _Steve_ , whatever” Kurt swore he could hear Sebastian rolling his eyes. “Not that I’m complaining, but fucking him was kinda weird.”

“How so?” Kurt tried to fake nonchalance by flipping through his magazine absently.

“He could’ve been my twin, Kurt.”

Kurt hummed contentedly and smiled. “Mmm, I know. It looked _amazing_.” Kurt giggled as he threw his head back, looking up at Sebastian, upside down. “Besides, with your ego, I thought you’d be thrilled with the prospect.” Kurt spread his hands dramatically, as if revealing a celebratory plaque. “Sebastian Smythe’s greatest conquest; _himself_.”

“Hah hah.” Sebastian said mockingly while Kurt giggled. “For the record, you are by far my greatest conquest.  Which is why, if you’re going to go to all that trouble to screen these guys or  whatever, next time you should find me someone who could be _your_ twin.”

“What? No.” Kurt scrunched his nose.  “ _Why?_ ”

Sebastian seemed rather shock at Kurt’s confusion. “Um, because it would be super hot?”

Kurt pulled out of his grasp to turn around again, serious, inquiring. “But why would you want my twin when you have _me_? Don’t you want to try out someone…you know…guys who are more your type?”

Kurt actually saw Sebastian roll his eyes. “You’re my type, dumbass.”

Kurt huffed. “Well that’s very sweet, but _so_ not the point. It’s the exact opposite of the point, actually.”

Sebastian eyed him warily. “Wait, how is that not the point? I thought it would be like the epitome of what you wanted.”

Kurt was getting irritated. “What does it matter what I want? This is about you.”

“Have you been huffing hairspray again?” Sebastian jabbed. “All of this is something _you_ wanted. I was just trying offer up a suggestion to make the full fantasy come to life, princess.”

Sebastian rarely dipped into his bag of effeminophobic remarks anymore, but when he did, Kurt’s ability to filter his words completely dissolved.

“Why on earth would I want that? If you want to fuck me, I’d prefer you fucked me. The whole point of all these tawdry affairs is to safely give you the opportunity to fuck people who _aren’t_ me, so—“

“Wait, what?!” Sebastian gaped. And Kurt realized what he’d said.

“Um…” he was trying to think of a way to backtrack and coming up empty. He started to crawl away from Sebastian but a hand reached out and caught his upper arm.

“Affairs? Safely give me the opportunity to fuck other people? What the hell does that mean, Kurt?” Sebastian’s shock was quickly being replaced by anger.

“I just…I thought…”

“You just thought _what_?”

Kurt’s heart was pounding in his chest and his words came out so fast he could barely understand them himself. “I thought that if I found you guys that I knew were safe, if I let you have them, you know, often enough, you wouldn’t ever feel the need to go find them on your own.”

Sebastian just stared at him, open mouthed, expression indiscernible. Kurt felt tiny under his gaze, unsure what was racing through his fiancé’s mind, but knowing none of it was good.

After a moment Sebastian let go of his arm, falling back against the headboard and cover his face with his hands, barely containing his rage. “Are you fucking kidding me?! This whole thing was about you trying to…prevent me from picking up some stranger in a bar once we’re married?”

Kurt was angry and defensive, so he merely shrugged. “It’s what you do; it’s who you are.”

“Not since I’ve been with you, asshole!” Sebastian looked like he was going to rip the pillow he was grasping to shreds. “You _know_ that.”

“That doesn’t mean you don’t want to! Don’t even pretend you haven’t thought about it, that you haven’t wanted to be with anyone besides me since we’ve been together!” Kurt could hear his voice cracking now as his pitch went up; he was fuming. “Whispering in my ear how you’d like to bend our waiter of the table and fuck him so thoroughly _he tips you_ isn’t exactly being subtle about your baser urges!”

“I told you that to make you laugh! You’re the one who got so horny at the _mere thought_ of it that you immediately dragged me into the men’s room so I could bend you over and fuck you over the sink!” Sebastian’s was balking. “You tipped him double in gratitude!”   

In the heat of their argument, Kurt was without restraint, spilling out the insecurities he’d been keeping secret for so long.  

“I was jealous! I was jealous and hated him and wanted you to remember who you were _supposed_ to want to bend over and fuck!”  It was a half-truth; Kurt really _had_ gotten off on the thought of it, but at the time he was so confused by his own voyeuristic inclinations that they’d been eclipsed by the other emotions he could identify but had been too scared to speak aloud. However, he certainly wasn’t going to cede his righteous stance by confirming Sebastian’s theory.  “And I only tipped him afterwards because I felt guilty about the vitriol I was internally spewing at him; it wasn’t his fault you’ll fuck anything with a pulse.”

Sebastian continued to gape. “So all those other times—“

“Yes, Bas,” Kurt spat. “ _All_ those other times you pulled the same stunt, I was just trying to prove to you that I could satisfy you just as well as any of those other guys. But at some point I had to realize I couldn’t compete with every willing man in New York and I should give up on even trying. They say ‘if you love something, set it free.’ But excuse me for wanting, as your future husband, _some_ input as to where your dick’s winds up since soon it’s legally going to be half mine!”

Kurt was fuming, his breath shallow and hot, clenching his fists and staring daggers across the suddenly vast space of their bed.

“Holy shit.” Sebastian said, completely dumbstruck. “You’re fucking insane! Kurt, how could you even think…you’ve constructed this whole worldview in your head that’s so off, I can’t--” Sebastian was literally choking on his rage. “I can’t fucking believe you would hate me for something I haven’t even done, and then fucking manipulate me into doing it anyway, just to hold it against me! You didn’t even talk to me to tell me this was what was going on; you didn’t even give me a chance to stop you from thinking this bullshit! What the actual fuck?!”

“I don’t understand why you’re getting so upset.” Kurt supplied defensively. “Given how quickly you jumped on every one of their dicks, and how much _gratitude_ you’d show me for it for days after each time, I think it’s safe to say you never minded how accommodating I was being.”

“ _Accommodating_.” Sebastian ripped his hands away from his face. “Accommodating? All of this, all of those encounters, were you trying to _accommodate_ your tragic whore of a fiancé?”

The words were harsh and cold and they stung. But Kurt was too caught up in their escalating argument to try and diffuse them by correcting the phrasing. “Well, what they hell else did you think it was?”

“I thought it was for you!” Sebastian shouted, furious. “I thought it got you hot! I thought it was the waiter thing all over again, but you’d gotten bold enough to admit you actually wanted to see it play out! You know, since you’re adverse to actual porn because it’s too impersonal, and the idea of us filming ourselves makes you too nervous because you’re paranoid it’s going get out and somehow your Dad’s going see it. I thought I was the star in your own private, personal little porn show!  I was fucking doing it _for you_!”

“Wow,” Kurt shot back mockingly, his voice breaking with anger, “what a noble sacrifice! You’ve certainly spent a lot of time romanticizing this to justify how much you enjoyed fucking eight other guys who weren’t me!”

A beat passed between them.

Sebastian just stared at Kurt, horrified. His tone was hollow. “I have to leave.”

He crawled out of the bed, and suddenly Kurt’s anger was replaced with worry and he started to protest. But Sebastian stayed firm.

“No, I have to get out of here before I say or do something I regret and I really don’t need to feel like more of an asshole right now than I already do.” He tugged on his pants without underwear, reaching for the first shirt he could get his hands on. When he was half dressed, the buttons not even done up, he just looked down at Kurt, pain and rage painted plainly across his face. “You’ve made me feel cheap and dirty in a way I never thought I’d feel. And _don’t you dare_ make some wise ass remark about me feeling cheap, because I honestly can’t take any more; not now that I know how much you’ll mean it.”

When Sebastian was done tugging his arm through the sleeve, he reached for his wallet on the nightstand and then quickly made his way out of their bedroom.

“Sebastian! Bas!” Kurt cried, scrambling to the edge of the bed. “Don’t leave! We need to talk about this!”

Sebastian shouted back, “You bet we do, but not until I feel less like setting our apartment on fire by throwing gasoline on your fucking wardrobe!”

The front door to their apartment slammed shut.

Kurt’s first instinct was to call Sebastian and demand he returned home, but when he reached over to grab his phone on the nightstand, he saw Sebastian’s resting right beside it.

At which point Kurt curled up into a ball, cycling through feeling furious, ashamed, and utterly helpless. He cried himself to sleep. 


	3. Chapter 3

After two days and nights of torturous silence, broken only once by a phone call to Sebastian’s office on the second day, when he’d calmly asked Kurt not to call him during work, Sebastian finally walked back into the apartment Saturday afternoon looking like a hot mess. He shuffled to the bathroom, past Kurt (who tried to look haughty and disapproving but was probably being by betrayed by his own relief), and promised to talk as soon as he had a shower.

When he came out half an hour later, Kurt was sitting primly on the couch, a tray of Sebastian’s favourite cookies displayed openly on the coffee table, a clear peace offering. Sebastian took in the sight, sighed, popped into the kitchen to grab a beer before lumbering towards him slowly and plopping down in the armchair opposite the couch. As he cracked open the can, he paused to glance over Kurt again before taking a sip, savouring the taste and swallowing it down.

Kurt felt the irritation creep in at how long this was being drawn out, but he supposed he wasn’t in a position to dictate Sebastian’s behaviour, so he merely kept silent, though an edge crept across his features as Sebastian slowly took another sip and let out a refreshed “Ahh.”

When his eyes narrowed as Sebastian brought the can to his lips a third time, Sebastian let out a mild chuckle, “Alright, alright, I’m sorry,” before putting down the beer and reaching across the table to grab a cookie.

“Listen, we’re going to talk, actually converse and work this out. With minimal shouting and crying, if at all possible. But before we do, I’m going to do what I should have done months ago and ask you a few questions. And you’re going to answer. Honestly, or I’m walking out that door again, for a week this time.”

Sebastian tried to keep his tone commanding, but Kurt could tell that his words came from a place of regret, like he was pleading. So he fought back his knee jerk instinct to make a biting remark, instead nodding agreement.

“Let’s get the most obvious one out of the way first,” Sebastian took a bite of the cookie. “Have you been afraid of me cheating on you since I stormed out of here Wednesday night?”

That caught Kurt totally off guard. “Um, no, actually.” His eyes widened. “It hadn’t even crossed my mind.”

“Really?” Sebastian clearly didn’t buy it.

“I swear.” Because it really hadn’t. “I’ve only been able to think about how furious I was that you stormed out and how guilty I felt about causing it.” Kurt bit his lip. “Hence the cookies.”

“Okay….” Sebastian said after a beat. “Good. Fine. I haven’t, for the record.”

Kurt didn’t know what to say to that other than “Oh, okay. I really didn’t think so. At all.”

He waited.

Finally, Sebastian leaned forward, elbows on his knees and chin resting on his interlocked hands. His gaze was inquisitive, calculating, and Kurt had to hold down a shiver. “Do you consider my participation in our little encounters cheating?”

Kurt sucked in a breath, hollowing his cheeks and batting his eyelashes furiously, considering. He replied by asking softly, “Do you?”

Sebastian’s tone was monotonous. “Not the topic of conversation at the moment.”

Kurt’s eyes flickered around the room, rubbing his palms across his thighs, feeling uncomfortable, totally unsure of how to answer. His eyes took notice of the cookie Sebastian was still grasping. “Do you think I over-baked them? They look a little too brown.”

“Damn it, Kurt, don’t deflect. Answer the question.”

Kurt could feel himself sinking lower into the couch, and he averted his eyes. “Well, it’s not exactly fidelity in the strictest sense of the word, is it?”

“Uh huh.” Sebastian sucked in his teeth in at that. “And if you’d participated too? If they’d been three-ways instead of you jacking off to me screwing some random, would it have been cheating then?”

Kurt should’ve been flustered at how crass Sebastian was being, since over time their encounters had come to mean more to him than that. But he’d long gotten used to Sebastian’s phrasing, so it didn’t even phase him anymore.

Kurt answered simply. “That question is irrelevant because I didn’t want to participate; I never wanted to participate.”

“Because you’d still have considered it cheating?”

“Yes,” Kurt said quietly.

“Like you consider what I’ve done cheating?”

“I, um, I don’t—“ Kurt breathed out and licked his lips. “Not really because, you know, I was there. But I guess, I mean, maybe a little bit? At first, it would hurt like you had.”

Sebastian closed his eyes and pressed his thumb and index finger to his temple. “Then my next question is pretty obvious.”

But Kurt had been so thrown by the first two questions that he couldn’t begin to guess what was coming.

“Why the fuck would _you_ set this up, over and over?”

Kurt breathed out slowly, trying to keep his answer intelligible. “Because it was hot. Because you so clearly got off on it, and that got me off too and god I just…”Kurt was flustered; they’d dove into this thing, like they did everything, without words. “You were right; it was like my own private, personal porn show that I could finally watch without feeling dirty. And it changed each time with all the different guys but it was still you, there was always _you_ and you wanted me there and I just…I kept on waiting for it to make me jealous but all it did was make me appreciate you more because I’d watch you have this fantastic sex with these gorgeous guys and get to think the whole time ‘but when he’s done he’ll be mine, he’ll be with me.’ And _that,_ more than anything, got me off and just—“

But Kurt had to stop and dig his nails into his thighs because he was starting to feel himself get hard and this was not the time for that.

Sebastian, who had been uncharacteristically stoic throughout Kurt’s little speech, finally cracked a smile and he reclined back in the chair. However, he gave Kurt another once over before settling back into a less-than-impressed disposition.

“Okay, well, I’m glad it sounds like it _became_ for you something resembling what I thought it actually was. But despite you getting off to it _now_ , there’s still some fucked up ulterior motive behind it; something else that made you think you had to do this. I need to know what that is. I have my theories but honestly every single one of them pisses me off, so I’d like to save myself some rage and narrow it down to one.” 

Kurt heaved out a breath, trying to find a way to phrase this more delicately than he had a few nights ago. “I…look. Remember when we first started dating?”

“You mean when we stopped hate-fucking and started just fucking?” Sebastian snapped back, clearly out to wound.

But Kurt didn’t bruise so easily. “When you’d realized how lucky you were that such a fabulous, flaw-free man was willing to overlook your personality long enough to use you for sex? Yes, that.” Kurt smirked, proud of his confidence returning to him momentarily. “Remember how you weren’t exactly secretive about how you considered it an open relationship?”

Sebastian shrugged. “Yeah, there was a good four months where we were still fucking other people. So?”

“See? No, you know that isn’t true.” Kurt grunted, frustrated. Because they’d fought about this epically, several times. “It was a horrible four months of you sleeping with a different guy any night you weren’t with me, and me casually flirting with the barista at Starbucks.”

“And a sales associate at Barney’s, if I recall correctly,” Sebastian offered.

“Yeah, him too.” Kurt could feel his face getting red.

“And one at Neeman Marcus. And two from Sak’s Fifth Avenue; twins I think.” Sebastian tilted his head, considering. “Wow, I’m suddenly realizing you have a history of this twin shit…”

“Yes, yes, fine. I’m a promiscuous flirt, I love the attention. We know this, we’ve done this, we’ve moved past it.” Kurt huffed.

“I’m also remembering a photo you texted me of you grinding against some twink at a club with the caption ‘See I can fuck the whole city too, asshole!’” Sebastian’s tone was pure ridicule.

Kurt’s face turned crimson; those few weeks had been a flurry of frustration and confusion, when he’d realized that he’d actually had legitimate feelings for Sebastian, that he’d wanted more than just sex from him, he’d wanted a relationship, and how he’d resigned himself to never getting it. And how he’d retaliated against his own heart by trying to prove to himself that he could be just as casual about sex, thinking that if he could adopt that attitude, he could be as numb to Sebastian as he’d thought Sebastian had been to him.

He’d failed, obviously.

Kurt somehow managed to fight through his embarrassment and reply, “Yeah, but as you constantly _love_ to remind me, I didn’t. I tried and tried and flirted and wanted to, but I failed. I couldn’t so much as kiss another guy after I thought of myself as being with you.”

“I know,” Sebastian shrugged again, but smiling. “It was kind of adorable; you and your romantic ideals.”

“Which you didn’t share,” Kurt added. “You were still sleeping with other guys, long after you realized you were in love with me.”

“It stopped when I told you!” Sebastian bit back, defensive. “You know that. I know we’ve broken up and gotten back together like a hundred times since then, but I swear to god, Kurt, I haven’t been with another guy since that night.”

“But have you wanted to?” Kurt asked. “Ignoring what we’ve been doing, have you pictured yourself having sex with other guys since then?”

“Of course I have!” Sebastian snorted. “I’m in love with you; I’m not dead. Why am I getting persecuted for it?”

“And this is where we differ because I haven’t.” Kurt’s breath was shaky. “I haven’t wanted to because sex and love are linked for me—“

“I know the archaic definition of monogamy, Kurt. You don’t need to explain it to me.”

Kurt bit his tongue over his anger, continuing on as if he hadn’t been interrupted. “…and I know it’s not the same for you, and it’s never been the same for you. And it took me a long time to accept that about you, but I do now. Sex doesn’t mean love to you, and that’s okay. I can’t really identify with it, but I accept it.”

“Well thanks for being so tolerant.” Sebastian replied facetiously, not bothering to deny it.  

Kurt continued. “But given that, I have to ask something; if that’s your attitude about sex, and you haven’t been with anyone else since you told me you loved me, what was holding you back from sleeping with other guys before I offered them up?”

Sebastian let out a heavy sigh. “You know what it was.”

Kurt merely blinked, waiting. He’d answered all of Sebastian’s questions, after all.

Sebastian shifted, elbow resting on the arm of the chair and his head resting on his thumb and index finger.

“Because I knew it would upset you, alright? And it wasn’t worth it to me. The greatest fuck in the history of the world wouldn’t be worth losing you over. Don’t you get that? I enjoy it and could do it as long as there were guys willing. But at the end of the day it’s just meaningless sex. Which is how it was so easy to give it up! Because no matter how meaningless it is to me, I knew it would mean everything to you. I knew you’d consider it cheating.”

The volume in Sebastian’s voice suddenly rose.

“Which is why, by the way, I am so fucking pissed off. Why I stormed out of here the other night. That, despite everything I thought I’d done to convince you of all this, that I cared about you enough not to hurt you like that, you somehow manipulated me into ‘cheating’ on you anyway!”

Sebastian had of course used air quotes on the last repetition on the word ‘cheating.’

“So,” Kurt tried to sound unaffected, “you don’t consider having sex with guys who aren’t me ‘cheating’, then?”

The tables had turned and for the first time in the conversation, Sebastian was the one looking uncomfortable, like he was the one under interrogation. “It’s not that simple, Kurt.”

“No?”

Sebastian shook his head. “You’re confusing sex with intimacy. They’re not the same.”

“Enlighten me, please.” Kurt crossed his arms, tapped his foot and quirked an eyebrow.

“Can you not act all high and mighty right now? I mean, considering you were the one that kept setting up my fuck-dates without me even asking.”

The guilt that had been raging within him for the past two days came back with a vengeance. Kurt relaxed his posture, uncrossing his arms, crossing his legs and placing his hands gingerly atop his knee. “Sorry.”

“Whatever,” Sebastian ran his hand through his hair and he breathed out slowly. “Like I was saying, sex doesn’t mean intimacy. Sex is an act, it’s a thing we do, it’s an urge we have to satisfy, preferably with the first, best looking warm body who is wanting and willing. I mean, I’m enjoying eating these cookies now, and you know they’re my favourite and they’re delicious. But you wouldn’t hold it against me if I was hungry and ate cookies someone else baked for me, would you?”

Kurt’s eyes shot open. “Who else has been baking you cookies?!”

Sebastian let out a burst of laughter and Kurt blushed, embarrassed once he realized the intensity of his reaction

“Okay, okay, bad example.” Sebastian was still chuckling. “But, okay, see? The reason I love your cookies so much more than anyone else’s isn’t just because they happen to be the best fucking chocolate chip cookies I’ve ever tasted; it’s also because you made them for me, you were thinking of me when you baked them, hoping I’d enjoy them. It’s an intimate gesture, Kurt.”

Sebastian sighed, still squirming slightly as he tried to articulate his thoughts.

“Intimacy…it’s not even on the same level, it’s a whole other world of shit. Its feelings and love and connection and all that Hollywood crap you see in those sappy movies you love to watch over and over. And sometimes sex is the best way to feel it, or express it or whatever, but it’s other things too. Its movie nights and going out for brunch and holding hands in Central Park in the middle of the day and me never getting sick of it because I’m doing it with you. It’s wanting to you around when we’re not fucking; it’s missing you like crazy when you’re not around. It’s…actually enjoying _just_ cuddling.”

Kurt couldn’t hold back a wry grin. “I’ve told you before you should write for Hallmark.”

Sebastian smiled but ignored the quip. “That mess is something I’ve only ever felt with you. It’s what made me propose to you, it’s why I’m not even a little bit scared about marrying you, because I never want to lose that. And if either you or I were to have _that_ with someone else, fucking them or not, _that’s_ what I’d consider cheating.”

“You sure?” Kurt mused. “I mean, I have a lot of those things with Rachel, my Dad…”

“Okay, fine” Sebastian conceded. “Maybe sex is part of the equation, but it’s not the only factor.”

Kurt sat there a moment, eyes monitoring Sebastian’s posture and body language and concluding that he was speaking nothing but the truth, and considered. “Well, in spite of your phrasing, you have put it forward in a surprisingly romantic way, and I actually do think I better understand where you’re coming from, which is good for both of us. And I won’t lie, that you’ve only ever felt intimate with me…is, well…”

Kurt just smiled and Sebastian understood.

“But even if I get it better now, it’s just not an attitude I can ever see myself adopting.”

“And that’s okay!” Sebastian offered. “I never expected you to. I mean, if you did, then we could talk about it and do something about it. But I also get where you’re coming from; television has tried to convince me of it enough times. For you, sex and intimacy are the same. Or at least, you feel that sex _should_ be intimate. And here’s where we can agree; sex is definitely _better_ when it’s intimate. Like, infinitely so. So giving up all that meaningless sex? Not that hard when it means I can keep being _intimate_ with you.”

Sebastian waggled his eyebrows and Kurt burst out laughing with the cheesiness of it all.

“Fantastic, but there it is again,” Kurt pointed out. “You keep on saying ‘giving up.’”

“Something meaningless,” Sebastian countered.

“But still, it’s something to you.” Kurt’s tone was almost pleading. “That’s why this all started; I didn’t want you to feel like you were compromising yourself for me.”

“Kurt, the one thing I’ve learned about being in a relationship with you is that they’re all about compromise.” Sebastian leaned forward. “And it’s totally worth it because I get you out of the deal.”

“Yeah, but we’re in the honeymoon stages right now, _Sebastian_ ,” Kurt couldn’t hide the whine in his voice, practically stomping his feet in frustration. “What happens when that wears off and we fight? Because we _always_ do. Or worse; if the passion dies out and instead of screaming, we keep our anger all bottled up, to ourselves? What if, even for a moment, one of us feels like the compromises we made for each other weren’t worth it? I don’t even know what I’d do to hurt you, though I’m confident I could find something, but I know it would absolutely break me if you had a _real_ affair. Because I could never know if you were being intimate with them, or spiting your intimacy with me or I don’t even know! I’m sorry I’m not able to bend on this, and I really hate feeling like I need to apologize for it, but I can’t help feeling that the physical affection that comes from sex is only supposed to ever be for me.”

“So you’ve set me up to fail, then,” Sebastian retorted. “You figured I’d eventually ‘your-definition-of-cheating’ cheat on you, so you thought you could make it happen so you could at least have it happen on your terms.”

“I—“

“No don’t,” Sebastian cut him off. “I understand. I’m pissed. I’m offended and actually hurt that you give me so little credit that you’ve accepted it as inevitability, but I understand. Let’s be real; our fights are often catastrophic, and I am a huge dick, so can I promise that would never happen? I can promise I’d never even consider it right now, but far down the road…”

“This is quite reassuring,” Kurt’s voice was dripping with sarcasm and panic.

“I’m just being honest,” Sebastian shrugged. “But, believe it or not, our big problem isn’t some hypothetical, distant-future act of infidelity you’ve convicted me of without my having committed the crime. It’s that you didn’t trust me enough to tell me that’s why you were bringing me all these guys to fuck; we could have talked about it, so you weren’t secretly resenting me for cheating right in front of you while I stupidly thought I was just satisfying one of your many, many kinks.”

“You’re…” Kurt deflated. “You’re right. I apologize. I’m really sorry for not trusting you with my feelings…which were about not trusting you. Dammit, Bas, I really screwed this up.” He could feel tears welling in his eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so, _so_ sorry.”

“Shh” Sebastian hushed him, arm reaching out across the table so he could grab Kurt’s hand. “It hurt. A lot. But I forgive you. Can you forgive me for not questioning you more, acting blindly?"  
  
Kurt whined, but nodded.   
  
Sebastian grunted. "We jumped straight into this after we decided to be a real couple, and we never really worked out those issues from before. We just kind of took for granted that we were together now. We have a tendency to communicate physically, often _only_ physically. Which you know _I_ prefer, but maybe words can be helpful, I guess. As long as you promise to not hold this shit back in the future, as long as we both talk more like you’ve always insisted, we’ll be fine, okay?”

Kurt nodded and started to tear up before he fought back and wiped them away. Now was not the time; he still had things to say, reassurances to make, and he couldn’t do that as a weepy mess. He grabbed a tissue from the side table and dabbed his eyes and wiped his nose before bunching it in a ball and squeezing it in his hand. He took a big breath and sat back up, resolutely.

“But you need to know, Bas, you _were_ satisfying me.”  He swallowed. “Like I said, it didn’t take me long to realize I loved it…it’s just, as we’ve covered…that’s not how it started. And I never really thought of those times as something _for me_ , even when I was enjoying it. I really enjoyed watching you get off. Mostly, though, I loved being able to give you, through them, what I can’t give you myself."

Sebastian knit his brows. “What the hell can’t you give me?”

Kurt looked down. “I can’t satisfy your need for variety.”

Sebastian groaned. “Kurt, you give me plenty of variety.”

“I can’t pick you up and fuck you against the wall like Jack did.” Kurt countered. “I don’t have a 10 inch cock like Stewart. No matter how fabulous my wardrobe is, it’s never going to cover up the fact that I’m never going to be as fireman-calendar buff like James, Rick or any of those other guys.”

“You are kidding me, right?” Sebastian laughed hollowly. “First of all, for someone who spends half his life looking in the mirror, you’d think you’d have a better grasp on how gorgeous you are. Your eyes, your jawline, _god_. And no, you’re not Mr. Universe, but you have got one perfectly lean body, sexy arms, killer legs and a phenomenal ass. Besides, would all those bulging muscles really go with your general attire?”

Kurt had actually considered this before, when his arms had started to get too big for some of his more expensive, tighter fitted ensembles. He’d battled fashion against fitness in his mind, and fashion had won out. But it was something he was still self-conscious of when he’d find himself drooling over celebrities or models or sports stars that looked like they were chiselled marble statues come to life.

“And you’re not just pretty, babe. You’re fucking hot.” Sebastian leered. “One of my favourite things about you is how you just ooze sex, and you don’t even realize it. It’s the weirdest thing but I love that about you, and makes you so much fucking hotter than all of those guys combined. And as far as variety goes? Kurt, you are a million times kinkier than I could ever hope to be.”

“What?” Kurt was genuinely shocked. “How is that even possible? You’re the one who’s always suggesting—“

“It’s because I can read you better than the Karma Sutra, babe.” Sebastian smirked cockily, clearly priding himself on this particular talent. “I can tell what you want, even if you can’t articulate it because you don’t even understand your own kinks and fuck if I don’t find that adorable and almost shamefully sexy in a virginal kind of way.”

 Sebastian groaned and Kurt blushed so hard he was feeling dizzy.

 “If anyone should be worried about not keeping the other one satisfied, it’s me. Because even though I’m the one who’s knowledgeable about kinks, I don’t need it. Certainly not like you do. The spice in our relationship is all you, Kurt. If you hadn’t have been watching me and those other guys, directing us, telling us what we could do to make it better for you, I can guarantee that each one of those instances would have been quick, doggy-style fucks, and I would’ve been completely satisfied. Well, physically, at least.”

As what Sebastian was saying set in, Kurt felt himself begin to panic. “So you’re saying I’m somehow pressuring you to be kinky? Because I really don’t want to, I don’t mean to, how is that even fair if I don’t even know?!”

“No, that’s not what I mean,” Sebastian shook his head vigorously, finally getting out of the chair and coming to sit next to Kurt. He threw an arm around him while rubbing his hand up and down his arm. “Stop freaking out, babe. It’s just the intimacy thing again. It’s how I knew I was in love with you. For the first time in my life, I actually gave a shit whether the other person came. When I’m with you, getting you off is all I care about. It’s how _I_ get off. Which is why I’ll bend over backwards to do it; literally, if that’s what you wanted.”

Kurt chuckled, relaxing into Sebastian’s arms a bit.

“You’re not pressuring me to do anything. And doing it with you, having you trust me enough to want to do any of it with _me_ , makes it the best fucking sex I could ever possibly hope to have, okay?”

Kurt leaned his head against Sebastian’s shoulder. “You really feel that being with me was better than being with all of those hot guys?”

“No contest, babe.” Sebastian answered back immediately. “And how many damn times am I going to have to tell your skinny, pasty ass that you’re sexy, moron?”

Kurt giggled but ignored the praise as he usually did. “And sex with them was meaningless? And really not ‘your-definition-of-cheating’ type sex?”

Sebastian hesitated. For far too long. “Um, well…”

Kurt stiffened in his arms. Sebastian rarely hesitated; even when he was talking bullshit, his speech was always coherent and complete and instantaneous. That he was pausing was a source of instant worry. Suddenly Kurt was ripping himself out of Sebastian’s arms to spin around and give him the look of death. But before he could open his mouth to protest, Sebastian’s hand shot up to cover it.

“No to your second question; it wasn’t my definition of cheating.”

Kurt narrowed his eyes, but apparently his body language calmed down enough for Sebastian to trust him to remove his hand. “And about the sex being meaningless?”

“Well, it wasn’t meaningless…” Sebastian scratched the back of his neck. “They, the guys, were meaningless to me, but the sex wasn’t.”

Kurt opened his mouth and closed it a few times, trying to figure out exactly what Sebastian meant. He thought back over their whole conversation; maybe the meaning was somewhere in there.

“Was it because it was a kink thing?” Kurt offered. “Like, you derived pleasure from it because you thought you were pleasuring me by proxy? Since I was getting off on it, it meant something to you?”

Sebastian scratched his neck, not meeting his gaze.

“Yeah, that was definitely part of it, but there’s more to it than that.” Sebastian rolled his eyes up at the ceiling while Kurt tapped his foot expectantly. “Shit, I don’t know how to describe this to you because it’s more of a feeling than something that can be put into words. You know how it is when…” 

But then Sebastian looked hard at Kurt.

“No, you don’t, that’s the whole point. Fuck.”

“What is it?” Kurt was worried, but insistent. “You had no problem explaining your whole sex philosophy to me even though you knew I didn’t relate. How is this any different?”

“Because it’s only something that you can understand having had lots and lots of meaningless sex, which you haven’t.” Sebastian sighed. “I could describe it to you, but it wouldn’t make sense. But I promise, it’s still all about how I feel about you, and it feels fucking fantastic. But I could only ever feel that particular way while fucking someone else. It’s…complicated.”

“So it’s still something that you would like to do, then?” Kurt asked, failing to sound impartial to the answer.

“Short answer; yes, I would. Long answer, I…” and there was Sebastian pausing again and Kurt felt lightheaded, “…I get something out of it, that I don’t think I would be able to get any other way. But, I couldn’t keep doing it…it wouldn’t be worth it for me to have you upset about it because you don’t understand what I’m getting from it, and how it’s all about you. I love teasing you and fucking with your brain, babe, but not like that.”

Kurt’s jaw hardened. “So, basically you’re saying that if I’d never introduced you to it, you wouldn’t know what you were missing?” At Sebastian’s silent shrug, Kurt laughed. “Wow, I think you were partially right; I set us both up to fail.”

“Kurt, it’s okay. It’s a great feeling, but I don’t need it.” Sebastian waved it off.

“But you’d still be giving it up.” Kurt stated flatly.

“Compromise, marriage, remember?” Sebastian pressed. “Really, Kurt, it’s not—“

“What if I did it too?” Kurt blurted out without thinking. But then as his brain caught up with his mouth, he found himself agreeing with the plan. “What if I had that feeling and understood and you weren’t worried I’d hold it against you?”

Sebastian stared. “Kurt, no, it’s not…you don’t want to fuck other people, remember?”

“Would you mind, though? If I had sex with someone else?” Kurt bit his lip, but he wasn’t going to let his nerves get the best of him. This was too important.

“I…” Sebastian was pausing again. He shifted his jaw and stared off in to space as he thought it over. “In the abstract, no; I wouldn’t mind if you had sex with someone else. Though I’d really insist on watching because fuck I want to see that. But it’s also _you_ , and I know how you feel about these things, and I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to—“

“I want to,” Kurt interjected.

“Since when?” It was almost a dare.

“Since now,” Kurt shot back.  “Since it would be a way of understanding you and ultimately lead to getting you off which, since you explained the whole kinky-me thing, makes me realize that that’s what I want more than anything too. That that’s more important than my getting off.” He frowned, head dizzy. “Although, it will still lead to me getting off so it’s not completely altruistic.”

“This isn’t doing a Google search on interesting ways to gag someone” Sebastian said warily. “This would be you, having sex, while you were engaged, with a guy who wasn’t your fiancé.”

“I understand the scenario, Bas,” Kurt stayed resolute. He crossed his arms. “You know, I really don’t remember getting this much resistance when it was _you_ engaging in the extramarital encounters.”

“That was you watching me with someone else.” Sebastian reasoned. “This would be me watching you with someone else. If you can’t see the difference then you’ve missed the whole point of this conversation.”

“I’d be okay with it if you were.” Kurt shrugged.

“You need to be more than okay—“

“Goddamn it, Bas. I want it, okay?” Kurt grabbed both Sebastian’s hands and looked deep into his eyes, begging. “Please, let me do this. For both of us. At the very least, it’ll take the sting out me ever again calling you a man-whore.”

Sebastian didn’t look convinced at all, but he breathed out heavily, losing his resolve. “This is really important to you.”

Kurt tilted his head and quirked an eyebrow. “If this kind of thing wasn’t so important to me, I wouldn’t have screwed up so badly and we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

Sebastian laughed and dropped his head. “Well, fuck. Fine, I’m good with it if you are. I…”

Sebastian looked off into the distance, behind Kurt, wheels clearly turning in his head.

“ _I_ ” he hummed, “am a genius.”

He reached behind Kurt’s head to pull him in for a bruising kiss. All the tension Kurt had been feeling seemed to melt away. But before Kurt could get too caught up in the sensation, Sebastian pulled away, standing up to grab his phone out of his pocket and turned it on, clearly searching for something.

“I know exactly how we’re going to do this.” Sebastian’s thumb was scrolling madly. “And who it’s going to be with. Even this whole thing is a total failure, I still expect you to fucking _worship_ me for this.”

And then he grabbed turned to grab his keys on the kitchen table and started heading for the door.

“Hey!” Kurt shouted. “You just got home! Where the hell are you going?”

“To set it up!”

“Well, can I help?” Kurt crossed his arms expectantly.

“Nope, this one’s on me.” Before Kurt could protest he held up his hand. “Listen, you sprung all those guys on me unannounced. Don’t you at least trust me enough to find a way to ‘accommodate’ you?”

Kurt pursed his lips. He wanted to say, _‘you really expect me to be comfortable experimenting with infidelity without having the tiniest ounce of input in the matter?_ ’

But he knew that fair was fair, and it would be tantamount to saying that he didn’t trust Sebastian again which, given everything that had just happened, would be unwise. So instead he just waved his hand dismissively.

“Fine. But at least tell me who it is.”

“Not a chance in hell.” Sebastian responded impishly, punctuating every word.

“Why not?”

“ _Because_ ,” Sebastian dragged out the end of the word. “If I tell you _now_ , you’ll definitely say no.”

Kurt cocked his head. “If I’m going to say no, doesn’t that throw this whole consent issue back into question?”

“Well obviously you can say no when he gets here, if he agrees,” Sebastian reasoned before standing up straight and turning for the door. “But I’m sure he will, and I doubt you’ll be able to resist him once he’s here and willing.”

But Kurt was far from satisfied. “This whole scenario still sounds highly dubious!” he retorted.

“And we both know how much you secretly get off on that!” Sebastian shouted cheerily from the hallway as the door slammed shut. 

 


	4. Chapter 4

The following week, in the days leading up to Kurt’s first encounter, was one that brought him equally skyrocketing levels of anxiety and anticipation.

Once he and Sebastian had more or less officially become a couple, he’d never really thought of being with another man. He’d daydreamed in a more innocent sense about celebrities and the few guys he flirted with from time to time, kissing and touching and just being close, but he couldn’t possibly imagine himself being so open with anyone else, so he’d never really let his mind go there with regards to actual sex. Those fantasies had long been reserved for Sebastian and Sebastian alone.

But now he was allowing his mind to wander into more explicit fantasies with other guys, almost forcing it sometimes, because soon it was going to be a reality. Sebastian had hardly been the only man Kurt had ever been with, but his presence in Kurt’s association with sex was so strong that he found it extremely difficult to have a vivid fantasy about someone else without somehow morphing the other man’s features into Sebastian’s. Which, on one hand had made him almost proud of his devotion, but on the other, he needed to break this habit if he was going to enjoy sex with … whoever Sebastian had found, since Sebastian had made it sound like enjoying the sex was paramount to understanding whatever feeling he got from it that he seemingly couldn’t get from sex with Kurt.

The first few days, he’d spent an obscene amount of time trying and failing to pleasure himself without thinking of Sebastian at all. He thought of his favourite celebrities and models, but he couldn’t get past the soft kisses and delicate touches without triggering more explicit memories of being with his betrothed.

He’d ventured tentatively back into the world of pornography (it hadn’t been hard to find; Sebastian kept it in a folder labelled “fucking” on his desktop), thinking that since now he’d unlocked his voyeurism kink, he’d be more open to it. But not only was he plagued with the same problems he’d always been, anxiety and second-hand embarrassment and just general discomfort witnessing such a loveless portrayal of a loving act, he also found himself constantly comparing it to having watched Sebastian with others first-hand, and in terms of sheer hotness, pornography came up tragically short. Not only was this unhelpful with regards to the goal of not thinking of Sebastian, but the palpable lack of connection to any of the men in the videos left him hollow and cold.

He’d almost achieved his goal on the third day, except Sebastian had walked in on him, quipping that he was more than willing to lend a helping hand, and the ensuing four-hour sex-marathon had completely blown any chance of Kurt ejecting everything Sebastian from his mind.

At which point Kurt decided that he had to test a little of Sebastian’s trust and at least get an idea of who he’d be with the following weekend. A physical description, a name, a favourite flavour of ice cream, anything that would differentiate this mystery man from Sebastian, so he could start building a different sexual partner in his mind. But Sebastian wouldn’t budge, insisting that sharing anything he knew would quickly reveal the guy’s identity and the experiment would be over before it began. Which simultaneously scared and thrilled him, but it wasn’t getting him any closer to the level of acceptance he needed to go through with it, and he needed to go through with it.

\---

After the direct approaches had failed, he tried bribery.

On Wednesday, Sebastian had been scrubbing the dirty dishes from his favourite dinner and desert, which Kurt had come home from work early to prepare just for him. Kurt had slunk up behind him, draping arms around his waist, seductively offering to take over the washing up too, because soon Sebastian was going to be too busy cleaning himself up to finish. Moments later, after Sebastian had been gripping the countertop behind him, shaking while standing as he came in warm bursts down Kurt’s throat, Kurt had licked his lips and batted his eyelashes, begging on his knees for his blissed-out fiancé to please give him any information about the guy, just something to go on. When Sebastian had found the ability to speak again, he’d bent over, ran his hand along Kurt’s cheek and whispered softly in his ear.

“Well, one thing I can certainly tell you is that he’s going to fucking love it when it’s his turn for you to do that.”

He’d kissed Kurt quickly and darted out of the kitchen before the words had a chance to register, laughing maniacally as Kurt slumped on the ground, pouting.

\---

On Thursday, Kurt was so on edge with anticipation that he’d decided to give up playing nice and try more coercive techniques. So that night, with Sebastian spread out on the bed beneath him, blindfolded and handcuffed to the headboard, Kurt sweetly asked his fiancé, over and over again, for just the smallest description about his blind date as he traced patterns along Sebastian’s abdomen with the tip of an ice cube.

Whether Sebastian actually enjoyed the freezing sensation or just got off on resisting him when he so desperately wanted something, Kurt couldn’t tell, but when he’d still gotten nothing out of his captive but gasping and hissing after circling his nipples with the cube, and nothing further still but clenching and tensing as he went on to circle his hole with it, Kurt decided it was time switch tactics.

After he’d worked him open much too quickly with ice-cold fingers, Kurt had sunk into him, thrusting into Sebastian hard and shallow so that he hit his prostate every time. But as Sebastian writhed beneath him, building to his release from Kurt’s thrusting alone, Kurt dipped his hand into the ice water and gripped Sebastian at the base of his cock, eliciting shivers and shouting and all sorts of cruel names. And Kurt just smirked and kept pounding away, promising to give him his warm hand and stroke him through if he just gave up one measly morsel of info. However Sebastian had just smiled in spite of everything, promising that as long as could feel Kurt’s cock inside him, he’d still be able to come.

So when Sebastian’s bound wrists pulled hard at the headboard, body flailing and back arching as he ignored Kurt’s cold hand seconds before climax, Kurt pulled out and away, reaching over to the nightstand and dumping the entire contents of the ice bucket on Sebastian’s stomach the exact instant Sebastian came.

After the full body spasms and unintelligible cursing died down and he’d stopped jerking quite so erratically, Sebastian found the wherewithal to respond to Kurt’s cackling by barking, “You better goddamn pray this guy likes fucking you enough to come back because if I’ve got frostbite down there, you are never getting my dick again!”

\---

On Friday, they curled up on the couch with blankets and cuddled while watching an old film, Sebastian’s head in Kurt’s lap as Kurt ran his fingers through Sebastian’s soft, un-gelled, freshly washed hair.

“Are you nervous about tomorrow?”

Kurt considered. “I’d be less nervous if—“

“You wouldn’t be,” Sebastian interjected. “Trust me.”

“Okay,” Kurt sighed. “Yes, I’m nervous. Really nervous. So nervous it’s killing me. But I’m also kind of excited? I’ve been on the other side of this; I’ve sat in that chair, and I know how great it can feel, and I want that for you. I know it’s not the reason you want me to do it for, but regardless, I still want to do it. Very much.”

“Good.” Sebastian said, and then he went quiet for a while as they continued to watch the movie.

About half an hour later, Sebastian spoke up. “Aren’t you going to ask me?”

“Ask you what?” Kurt continued to stroke his hair.

“If I’m nervous.”

Kurt’s fingers stopped. He was embarrassed and a bit ashamed to admit that he hadn’t even thought about it. “Are you?”

“I haven’t decided yet.” Sebastian said simply.

Kurt rolled his eyes. “You don’t decide if you’re nervous. You either are or you aren’t.”

Sebastian shifted his head in Kurt’s lap to look up at him. “Just know that I have more reason to be nervous about you tomorrow than you’ve ever had about me.”

Kurt had no clue what he meant, and when it became clear that Sebastian wasn’t going to elaborate, he simply leaned down to kiss him before they both finished the movie in peace.

\---

When Saturday morning arrived, Kurt was promptly banished from the apartment. He’d first considered swinging by the florist’s for a third time as he still wasn’t convinced that the arrangement they’d (he’d) chosen for the centerpieces was bold enough to reflect his and Sebastian’s union, but quickly abandoned that thought. Today was not the day to be focussing on his upcoming nuptials.

So instead he met up with Rachel and they’d had brunch at one of their favourite little bistros and managed to squeeze in a deep tissue massage at the spa, all with the goal of easing his fretfulness about what awaited him at home. Of course, gossiping with Rachel was never a completely calming experience, and Kurt had to perform some verbal acrobatics to explain why he wasn’t spending the day either with Sebastian or preparing for the wedding. As much as he and Rachel shared most everything about each other’s lives, he’d learned the hard way a long time ago that she was rather ill-equipped to deal with the details about even the mildly unusual aspects of his and Sebastian’s love-life. So he’d kept it truthful but still incredibly vague, saying Sebastian had a surprise waiting for him, and she’d assumed an early wedding gift, and he’d let her. They’d parted as she headed to her matinee performance while he decided to busy himself for the rest of the day with shopping. He’d needed to do some research about the new Marc Jacobs and Hugo Boss lines anyway; what better way than to get it first hand?

Several hours and two failed attempts at flirting with floor associates later (he couldn’t maintain his coy persona without feeling like a liar, and the innuendos felt so much more loaded than usual), Kurt wandered home at the time he was told his blind date would be ready to receive him, feeling only a little bit guilty over the number of department store bags in tow and a lot anxious over what waited for him on the other side of the door.

As he shuffled around to find his keys, using the surface of the door to lean his bags up against so he could reach down into his pocket, he noticed the sound of soft jazz coming from the inside of his apartment. He pressed his head against the wood to try and get a better listen, and he gasped in amazement as the muted scent of lilac hit his nostrils.

Before he could open the door himself, however, it was pulled open for him and he squawked as he nearly fell into the apartment. Quick hands steadied him, however, and as he looked up to Sebastian, who was smiling down at him affectionately, radiating calm, Kurt felt the tension he’d been carrying all day, all week, begin to slip away.

“Have a nice day out, dear?” Sebastian asked in his favourite househusband impersonation.

“Sebastian,” Kurt gasped as he looked around, dropping his bags in the doorway and making his way into the living room, spinning slowly and taking in the atmosphere.

The jazz was distinctly louder now, but still soothing and sensual and he wanted to close his eyes to let it wash over him. However, he’d be missing out on the sight of what had to be at least twenty large candles, the source of the lilac scent, and possibly a hundred tiny tealights illuminating the dimness of their apartment.

“Sebastian, it’s wonderful.” Kurt brought crossed hands over his biceps, hugging himself and laughing in awe. “I’d be worried about the fire hazard and losing our deposit if this just wasn’t about the most romantic thing you’ve ever—, oh my god, since when do our lights dim? Did you buy us a dimmer? Oh god, did you install it yourself because remember last time with the electricity and the emergency room and the—“

When hushing didn’t work, Sebastian quickly brought a finger to Kurt’s lips, silencing his worried rant instantly. He whispered, “You’re freaking out about the wrong things right now.”

Kurt let out a huff of breath he didn’t know he was holding in. “Right, sorry. Instinctual deflection.”

Sebastian chuckled, dipping down to the coffee table and handing him two champagne flutes before reaching for the bottle in the ice bucket. Kurt couldn’t contain his giggle when Sebastian popped the cork, taking one glass at a time from him and filling them each half-way.

“Dom Perignon, are you kidding me?” Kurt felt dizzy. “I’m half-expecting a trail of rose-petals to the bed”

Sebastian just winked, clearly proud at still being able to impress his fiancé.

Kurt balked. “You’re really pulling out all the stops tonight, aren’t you? The encounters I set up for you are suddenly looking pathetic by comparison.”

“Don’t even. I told you before.” Sebastian smirked as he carefully weaved the arms holding their drinks around each other. “You doing this for me is a very different animal than me doing this for you. Your high-maintenance ass requires a considerably more refined method of seduction.”

They watched each other, Sebastian signalling to take a sip, and tilted their glasses back awkwardly, only somewhat in sync. As the sweet liquid trickled down his throat, he smacked his lips and brought his head back down, eyes level with Sebastian’s.

“You are magnificent.” Kurt bubbled over, touched and astonished. “But what kind of masochist would go to such phenomenal lengths to seduce me into sleeping with someone else?”

Sebastian lowered his eyes, and Kurt wished he could see better in the low light of the room because he was pretty sure Sebastian was blushing and wasn’t that a first.

“I wanted your first time, probably your only time, to be special. I wanted to get it right, because regardless of who’s waiting for you in the bedroom, tonight is about us. And whenever it comes to us, you have this strange, scary influence over me that makes me want to at least try to do something right.”

“Mr. Smythe.” Kurt twisted his mouth, biting his cheek to keep from laughing. “I daresay you’ve taken a page from my many fictional crushes and finally seen fit to become a gentleman. That or you are an imposter. A more evil twin. Or possibly a stand-in lookalike, buttering me up out here while my real fiancé waits on the other side of that door.”

Kurt silently revelled in Sebastian’s squirming, in how antsy he was visibly becoming at the teasing.

“In any case, you are clearly not the man I intended to marry, so maybe it’s best if you see yourself out because—“

“Jesus fucking Christ!” Sebastian groaned and surged forward to shut Kurt up with a deep, passion-filled kiss.

Kurt sunk into it almost instantaneously, unhooking the wrist holding the flute from Sebastian’s and bringing both arms up to wrap carefully around his neck, leaning up into the kiss. He could feel the stem of the glass pressing into his ass when Sebastian’s hands reached to grab his lower back and push him up, and their bodies melded together as they stood, all heat and need and, most importantly, love. Their connection, their magnetism, pinged between them and Kurt momentarily forgot where he was or what he was doing, just riding high on how much he wanted the man wrapped around him.

When Sebastian finally broke the kiss, ducking out from Kurt’s arms, Kurt was too breathless to even protest. He simply let Sebastian wrap a hand around his, letting him guide him slowly in the direction of the bedroom. But as oxygen started circulating again, he could feel himself starting to hyperventilate, the reality of this is happening, this is happening now finally cutting through the haze of candles and champagne and kisses.

How could he do this? How could he have ever even have considered it? He loved Sebastian. He loved Sebastian. He didn’t want to be with anyone else; he couldn’t even fathom it. All those attempts to try and forget him this week had all been failures because there was no one that could compare. Not for him. And Sebastian had said he was worried, or had reason to be worried, and that just wasn’t true because no matter who was waiting for him on the other side of that door, no matter how much Kurt trusted Sebastian to try and find him “the perfect guy”, Kurt had to let Sebastian down now and tell him he was wrong, or too late, or insane, because Kurt had already found him.

As if he could read Kurt’s mind, and by this point Kurt wouldn’t have put it past him, Sebastian squeezed his hand and glanced back at him mischievously. It was a testament to how many times such a glint in Sebastian’s eye had led to a wonderfully satisfying conclusion that it brought readiness and eagerness so quickly to Kurt’s previously panicked state. That look was a promise of good things to come, and in a way it grounded him.

Never breaking their handhold, Sebastian twisted and leaned against the doorframe of their closed bedroom door, leering at Kurt and pulling him close. He snaked one hand down to the door knob and Kurt let out a grunt of frustration, his anxiety rushing to the surface once more.

“It isn’t Jake from your firm, is it?” Kurt took one last desperate attempt to gain the upper hand, or at least equal footing. “Because he’s sweet and hot and everything, but he’s so young and scared to come out of the closet and even though that means he wouldn’t say anything, I wouldn’t want any potential awkwardness between us at social events to risk outing him and just because you’re an insufferable spoiled ass who no one wants to piss off doesn’t mean that he’d be able to rough that homophobic and misogynistic old-boys’ club as carelessly as you and why are you not answering my questions and why are you letting me ramble on and not cutting me off like you always do or at the very least shutting me up with another kiss?”

Sebastian simply continued to grin at him, letting time pass. Kurt was certain he was going to explode from his desperation for the uncertainty to end , but then, finally, Sebastian pressed a soft kiss to Kurt’s forehead before leaning down to whisper in his ear.

“You were talking a minute ago about me having a twin, and I’m not going to lie; for a split second I considered abandoning this to try and set twins up for you, but I thought it might be a bit much for your first time out.” Sebastian broke their handhold to wrap his free arm around Kurt’s lower back, pulling him in close while Kurt could feel Sebastian’s other hand twisting to turn the knob. “Still, what I scrounged up wasn’t too far off the mark. I mean, they look nothing alike, but a brother’s still got to count for something, right?”

Kurt blinked rapidly as the door swung open beside him, his stomach dropping out from underneath him as realization sunk in.

There’s no way. This can’t possibly be happening.

But as Kurt turned his head and marvelled on so many levels at the exquisitely gorgeous man standing a few feet away from him, smiling as if he’d appeared from a fairy tale, just waiting to whisk him away, Kurt had to accept that this, all of this, was really happening after all.

“Hi Kurt.”

A perfectly shameless grin dazzled him, leaving Kurt utterly defenseless. He sighed into Sebastian, dropping his head against his chest as Kurt felt himself surrender to the spell of everything the night had been so far, and everything it promised to become.

He hummed. “Hi Cooper.”


	5. Chapter 5

“ _Sebastian_!” Kurt hissed, tameness instantly replaced with irritation.  
  
Because after hours, days really, of flittering back and forth on having the confidence to go through with this, he’d finally found his nerve, finally had let go of his reservations. He’d finally become comfortable in just giving in to his desires, letting the wave of calm cool need wash over him.   
  
And Sebastian had the audacity to choose _now_ to get demanding and needlessly vulgar?

“‘ _Skip to the part where you fuck my fiancé?_ ’" Kurt glared. "Really? You’re willing to just completely kill the romantic ambiance you’ve spent all day building with that little remark?”

Sebastian narrowed his eyes and tightened his lips, but said nothing. Which Kurt knew from experience was code for him ceding a point. Which was…interesting. But Kurt didn’t know what to make of it.

Cooper, however, was oblivious.

“Kurt, when the director gives you a note, you’ve got to take it, every time.” His index finger punctuated the last few syllables by poking Kurt in the chest. “Even if your gut is telling you it’s totally opposite to what the scene’s about, sometimes you’ve got to accept that you might not understand it, or you just weren’t paying attention when it was explained, and you just have to roll with it. So if he wants us to skip the foreplay and cut straight into the love scene, that’s probably what we should do.”

Kurt, entranced by the smooth tone of Cooper’s voice and the intensity at which he was staring into his eyes, nearly nodded and complied without complaint. However, as Cooper leaned in for a kiss while reaching for Kurt’s undershirt, his fingers grazing the skin near his belly button, Kurt was snapped back to the present and he started to stammer as he lightly pushed him away.

“No, no, no. Cooper, no." Kurt shook his head, pointing to Sebastian, then themselves. "He’s not the director, we are not actors; this is not a film. This is something he and I decided _together_ , but considering this time, I’m the one in the hot seat—“

“Technically _I’m_ the one in the hot seat.” Sebastian corrected mockingly, gripping the arms of the red chair pointedly.

“Wait, we’re not even filming this?” Cooper protested, disappointed. “Damn. I was going to use it as an audition tape!”

Kurt’s eyes slowly rolled back and forth, between the man at his side and the man watching both of them, disbelief plastered across his features.

“—we’re going to do this my way,” he finished. Kurt turned back to the man on the bed with him. “No, Cooper, recording this is absolutely out of the question.”

“You sure babe?” Sebastian piped up. “What if you tragically lose your memory one day and refuse to believe me when I tell you that you’ve nailed ‘Police Officer 2’ from _The Hangover 4_?”

While that momentarily gave Kurt pause as he eyed his stunning bedfellow (' _maybe just a picture...'_ ), Cooper brightened. “Oh, you saw it?”

Sebastian glared. “I checked IMDB.”

“Oh yeah? Cool, cool.” Cooper nodded as he cracked a smile. “Still racking up hit counts on the old filmography.”

Kurt couldn’t help but find Cooper’s blind optimism painfully endearing.

Sebastian, however, was seemingly immune to Cooper’s charm. “Old? Try _ancient_. What’s the deal with you having no new projects listed for the past 3 years?”

Cooper hesitated. "Well most of Hollywood seems to be going in a different direction…”

“Okay!” Kurt declared saccharinely. “Cooper you are very sweet and very, _very_ handsome but I just can’t film this. If that changes things for you…if you were just in this for that and you don’t want to do this with me anymore—“

“Hey, Kurt, no.”  Cooper placed a hand on his shoulder, stroking reassuringly. “We’re friends remember? I’m here for you. I really respect what you guys are trying to do; when Sebastian asked me, I was flattered, honoured and impressed. I think it’s such a healthy way to approach marriage. Just because it’s not going to be filmed doesn’t mean I don’t want to be part of it! Consider my involvement an early wedding gift.” He winked. “Besides, I’ve always thought you were cute.”

Kurt’s heart raced, his inner 18 year-old elated beyond belief. He squeaked. “You did?”

“Oh, absolutely!” Cooper seemed completely genuine. “When you used to come over all the time that summer, wearing those adorable old-fashioned two piece bathing suits, I used to think ‘I could see him landing something great on the Disney channel, some show about time travelling teenage vampires or whatever.’”

“Oh?” Kurt said absently, grinning like a fool after having lost Cooper at ‘adorable.’

“Totally!” Cooper beamed. “That or ‘I should hook him up with my buddy in voice-over artistry.’ Which I’m still totally thinking would work for you, by the way, because let me tell you; not having to worry about complicated things like hand gestures while you focus solely on the intensity of your voice? _Dream job_.”

“Really?” Kurt quirked an eyebrow curiously. 

But before Kurt’s mind could even wander down that road, Sebastian laughed mirthlessly.

“Yeah, that’s fascinating and all,” he spat, “and I’m sure my fiancé, a junior editor of one of the world’s most prominent men’s fashion magazines, will be taking that bit of career advice into _careful_ consideration. But until then, you were saying something before about cutting straight to the sex?”

Kurt tried to shoot him a piercing look as he said, “My way, remember?” But its effect was likely weakened as he licked his lips, considering Sebastian’s words.

Cooper turned to more fully face Kurt, pulling him forward so that Kurt was leaning over and their faces were inches apart. “You good to go?”

Kurt was jittery again, being in such close proximity to Cooper, eyes darting around to take in every square inch of his perfectly sculpted features, remembering how wonderful his lips had felt on him moments before and revelling in how so many of his more adventurous teenaged fantasies were about to come true. He nodded, swallowing.

Before he completed the kiss, however, he glared back pointedly at Sebastian, communicating his displeasure at his rudeness while subtly asking for permission to proceed.

After a moment of staring him down, eyes only flickering to the man Kurt was about to kiss for a brief second, Sebastian huffed but waved him on. Kurt squinted, still unsure of what to make of Sebastian’s mood swing, but seeing as he had been the one to set this up and was making no move to stop them, and Kurt was finally in a place where he was comfortable wanting this now, he resolved to press on regardless. So he reached a hand forward to steady himself, bringing the other up behind Cooper’s head, gripping his hair lightly and pulled his lips softly up against his own.

It was like falling into a dream; anything but the feel of Cooper’s mouth on his ceased to exist. Cooper might ‘not really’ have been gay, but he could’ve fooled Kurt with the passion with which his lips sought his, how he felt a hand snake behind his lower back again and pull them close so their kneeling bodies were flush. They tilted their heads to get their mouths closer together, the kiss deepening again, and Kurt couldn’t help but revel in how easily they’d learned each other’s bodies, how their movements felt so in sync. His heart fluttered and he felt as if he was floating, as if every moment with Cooper’s warm, wet and soft lips caressing his own was sending him higher and higher to a heaven he hadn’t believed existed before.

Eventually he felt the tug at his undershirt again, this time from the back, and Kurt only broke the kiss for the exact amount of time it took for him to gently pull the garment off his body and over his head. When he came back to the kiss, both hands gripped firmly at the base of Cooper’s neck, and Cooper’s hands found his waist, running his fingers softly up and down his lower back, thumbs pressing gently into his torso.

Soon Kurt was being pushed back, and he dropped his behind down between his knees, back curling slowly into the mattress as Cooper hovered on top of him again until Kurt’s legs were directly underneath him, parallel with his abdomen and his toes were pointed at his head.

Cooper hummed appreciatively as he trailed a hand down Kurt’s torso. “Flexible, aren’t we?”

“I’ve been known to bend on a few things,” Kurt flirted back, and Cooper chuckled before gripping his hip and moving to nuzzle his neck, eliciting a high pitched moan from Kurt. His hand weaved its way into Cooper’s hair, trying not to grip too tightly. But his sense of control was lost when Cooper’s mouth trailed wet kisses down to his nipples, tugging Cooper's hair without meaning to, but too far gone to care as a warm tongue circled his peck and soft lips latched on to suck. “Oh my god!”

He couldn’t take it, the feeling was just too much, but god, he did not want Cooper to stop. He tried to look down, tried to catch a glimpse of Cooper’s striking features as his mouth was sealed over him, bringing him pleasure, but he was too busy flinging his head from side to side, keening and hissing with every gentle suckle or swipe of the tongue, to maintain the glance for long.

Soon Cooper’s hand found his cock through his pants again, harder than it had been all night. Without breaking contact with Kurt’s chest, his managed to pull down Kurt’s fly, hand reaching underneath the top of his briefs to free him. Kurt moaned at the contact, the sweet sensation of the flesh of Cooper’s hand finally touching him were he wanted most. He lifted his hips, thrusting into the warm circle of Cooper’s hand, and sighed longingly as Cooper finally broke his mouth and hand away to be able to maneuver the top of Kurt’s pants and briefs lower down his legs, stopping at the knees where his legs were bent back.

Kurt propped his upper body on his elbows, gripping the sheets and pulling his legs up and out from underneath him, letting Cooper tug his pants down the full way, socks following. Immediately after, Cooper reached down for his own zipper, maneuvering rather quickly out of his own pants and shedding his socks and underwear too. Kurt practically salivated at finally being able to lay witness to the smooth, thick cock throbbing between Cooper’s legs, noting that it was as superbly beautiful as every other square inch of Cooper’s body. 

Kurt whined with pleasure as Cooper's hand, now covered with spit, found his length again and began to stroke him slowly.

“That’s so good-, Cooper, oh god, that’s, _fuck_ it’s fantastic,” Kurt praised, wanting to throw his head back but not wanting to abandon the sight of a naked Cooper kneeling over him, staring hungrily back at him; holding him and touching him so firmly, so intimately. His resolve was lost however when Cooper leaned forward to seal his mouth over his sensitive nub again, head lolling back as he let out a deep, grumbling moan.

His eyes fluttered as his head twisted back and forth. As he looked to his side and caught a glimpse of Sebastian, he managed to find the wherewithal in his breathlessness to comment.

“You’re not t-touching yourself,” he stuttered out. “Why? You’re hard, _ahhh_ , I can see.”

Soft lips moved down, trailing kisses along his abdomen, and his breath hitched as Cooper’s soft tongue circled his belly button.

“Touch yourself, Bas.” He keened. “ _Please_.”

“Don’t worry about me,” Sebastian answered back, voice seemingly void of emotion.

“ _Please_ ,” Kurt whined again.

“Just focus on him, babe. Just focus on enjoying this,” Sebastian said, a bit more soothing this time.

“But _we’re_ sup-supposed to enjoy this,” Kurt fisted the sheets, bringing his knees up as Cooper’s head moved lower, tracing patterns with his tongue on Kurt’s inner thighs. “Both of us, t-together, _oh god_.”

“I _am_ enjoying it,” Sebastian responded, almost a plea.  

“A-are you sssure?” Kurt was falling to pieces, soft kisses on the skin above his neatly trimmed pubic hair, his straining cock twitching and bumping up against Cooper’s chin. On one hand, Kurt felt cared for, warm all over. But on the other, it almost felt like teasing. It had him on edge and he just wished that Cooper would just get straight to…

“ _Fuuuuuck.”_ Kurt used all his resolve to hold back the urge to thrust up as Cooper grabbed him and licked him slowly from base to tip before swirling his tongue on the head and sinking his mouth down slowly, taking all of him in.

“ _Yes_ ,” Sebastian choked out, and Kurt absently realized that wasn’t an affirmation, but an answer to his question. Though he’d completely forgotten what he’d asked.

Cooper’s mouth was on him and it was pure bliss. Kurt, having fell back flat against the bed when his length had been engulfed, propped himself back up on his elbows to be able to look down and see Cooper’s gorgeous face wrapped around him. It was simply breathtaking, the combined sensation of soft, moist heat dragging up and down his length with the glorious sight of round, plump lips and strong, hollowed out cheeks sucking him off.

Catching Cooper’s eyes as his head slowly bobbed, feeling the shift in his mouth as he smiled around him, tongue circling him as he did, nearly pushed him over the edge completely. Kurt hissed and groaned, staring in awe, wanting to grab that flawlessly styled hair and watch as he sunk himself deeper into such perfection, but even though many boundaries between them had already been shattered, he was far too nervous to actually try something so demanding with a new partner, so he gave in to the pleasure and dropped fully back against the bed, planting his feet down further into the mattress and willing himself not to thrust up.

“How does his mouth feel, babe?” Sebastian asked, voice rough.

“Fucking fantastic.” Kurt was breathless, happy to at least hear some participation at last. “So, _god_ , so warm. So good, so good. His tongue is almost as talented as yours. God, he’s so gorgeous.”

He kept straining his legs, pulling the sheets up on either side of him and digging his toes into the comforter before he gave up entirely and let his legs fall useless to the side. He felt weak and helpless, just letting the sensation take over him instead of taking charge, but it also felt so fucking good that it was, in a way, twistedly relaxing, just giving in. Lick after lick, stroke after stroke, he could feel himself sinking down, down, down, the noises spilling from him utterly inadequate in describing how he felt.

“What do you want?” someone whispered.

“Hnngh?” Kurt licked his lips and keened, unsure of who was asking, let alone how to respond.

“Do you want to come from his mouth, his ass or his cock, babe?” And that at least answered who the source of the question was. “Tell me what you want.”

Kurt’s eyes fluttered and he tried to think, which was nearly impossible as his brain was short-circuiting. It was so tempting to just say he wanted to come right then, right there, from Cooper’s hot mouth alone.

But that would be too easy, and it would be over and what a disappointing end to a fantasy he’d had forever. Since _high school_ , for Christ’s sake. One of the first he’d allowed himself to have, one of the ones he’d felt the most guilty about having while dating someone else; the only one he had refused to give up regardless.

Cooper, before he’d know he was Cooper _Anderson_ , had been the man Kurt had inserted into most of his fantasies that didn’t revolve around a specific person. He’d been Kurt’s dream man, dream _men_ , in hundreds of different scenarios. He’d been the actor that Kurt was going to star opposite of in a hit Broadway show. He’d been the stunning doctor who made Kurt feel significantly less nervous about any one of his appointments. He’d been the model who Kurt was going to design clothes for one day. He’d been the man who, after everything Kurt had been through and survived, was going to find him and marry him and who he was going to live happily ever after with. He’d been the one who was finally going to love Kurt in the way he’d always wanted to be loved.

And even after Kurt had learned who Cooper really was, even as he’d grown older and his experiences and fantasies matured along with him, for a very, very long time, Kurt had secretly still defaulted back to Cooper to fill those roles. So even though every touch, every caress, every suck on his cock into the wonderful oblivion of Cooper’s mouth was delightfully new and unfamiliar, in a very bizarre way, it felt as if he was rekindling an old flame.

However, Kurt slowly realized during the split seconds his overstimulated body gave him an inch to think, it was “old” because of Sebastian; everything had changed when he’d gotten together with Sebastian. Kurt hadn’t thought about Cooper that way _in years_. He’d barely thought about Cooper at all, except for the couple of times he’d seen him, on one of his rare trips back to Ohio. Kurt had come so far in those few short years; being with Sebastian had made him realize things about himself he’d never could have imagined. Kurt, in his thrashing on the bed as the real Cooper brought him to the precipice, was suddenly highly aware that the dream Cooper he’d spent so many years falling in love with was of another era. At least, another era with respect to what Kurt wanted.

Perhaps it would be fun to travel back in time.

“In me,” Kurt panted out, answering at last but flush and ready to fall apart. “I always-, when I used to-, _oh god_. I want, Cooper, I need you to fuck me, now.”

Which was not nearly as romantic as his teenage self had imagined himself saying it, but he’d also been woefully naïve as to how little eloquence accompanied being so close to release.

Cooper pulled off, and the loss of sweet, warm suction caused Kurt to suck in a large breath and shudder.

“You sure Kurt?” Cooper slowly crawled up Kurt’s body, hovering over him. “I’m good with the other way around. If you’re worried about that, I mean.”

As Cooper hung over him, his face inches from his own, blue eyes sparkling and hair flopping over and dangling almost low enough to tickle Kurt’s face, Kurt groaned at the mental image of him thrusting into Cooper. But after a moment, he shook his head slightly, still somewhat breathless. “No, I-, that’s what I want. It’s what I—“

But he was too afraid to say ‘always dreamed of’ because even though Cooper was clearly aware of Kurt’s fantasizing, he certainly didn’t need to know the extent.

“It’s what I want.” Kurt finished. Cooper nodded, and this time Kurt surged up into the kiss.

“Turn over,” Cooper asked gently after they broke away again.

“But I—“ and Kurt caught himself nearly saying ‘always dreamed’ again, “I want to see you. I want it face to face. I want you on top of me, like you are now.”

“Okay, we can do that,” Cooper grinned reassuringly, hand cupping his face. “But right now I need you to turn over so I can get you ready. Can you do that for me, Kurt?”

Kurt sighed, still melting like a schoolboy, simply over Cooper’s use of his name. Perhaps it wouldn’t be such a stretch to give in to his old fantasy after all. He nodded, moving to turn over, grasping at a pillow to hold under his chest.

As he rolled, however, he caught sight of Sebastian again and he had to wonder what _he_ wanted to see. Did he want to see his face while Cooper was behind him, preparing him? Did he want to watch from behind and catch glimpses of Cooper’s ass? It wasn’t every day one had the opportunity to view such gluteal perfection in such an intimate setting, after all.

Eventually Kurt settled on lying so Sebastian got a view lengthwise along his body, chest pressing into the pillow on the bed as he propped his knees up so his ass was sticking up and out, Cooper kneeling on the bed behind him. He clutched the pillow tight to him and rested his head sideways, facing Sebastian.

Their eyes locked and Kurt felt a rush of something totally unfamiliar pass through him; it was a connection, something unknown and unnameable, but it was strong. And it was nothing like what he’d felt when their roles had been reversed; when he’d been the one viewing from that chair. It was as if he was simultaneously being pulled towards Sebastian and being frozen on the spot. It was scary and powerful and exhilarating, and Kurt’s heart skipped a beat when he could see a flicker in the dim lighting that told him that Sebastian felt it too.

Kurt became worried as he looked lower down and noticed Sebastian still wasn’t touching himself, but seeing as he looked anything but bored, he decided to keep his mouth shut.  
  
Well, about that topic at least.

“ _Jesus_ ,” Kurt cried, bucking as a finger started to circle his hole. Cooper’s free hand came to steady him, gripping his hip firmly. Kurt pulsed with need, every rotation of Cooper’s finger around his tight pucker a further tease, which was even harder to take after he’d been worked up so thoroughly. But without the proper lubrication, it was almost a tickle and not nearly as pleasurable as it could have been. Which he was about to voice (because what if Cooper simply didn’t know?) when his cheeks were gripped and spread, and he felt the strong, moist heat of Cooper’s tongue replacing his finger to circle him instead. “Oh, oh my god, _fuck_.”

Kurt’s eyes snapped shut, and he let out guttural moans as Cooper’s tongue began to work the same magic on his hole as it had on his nipples and cock. He loved this, the sensation of being worked open, cared for, being looked after so thoroughly. He felt like he should be more self-conscious at his wanton mumbling and movements, showing more restraint instead of pressing himself backwards into Cooper’s tongue, begging him to lick harder and deeper with both his actions and his half-formed words. But, as Sebastian had always known, and as Cooper was surely picking up, an enthusiastically thorough rimming was always the first major step to Kurt’s complete undoing.

“That feel good, baby?” He heard Sebastian whisper from feet away, voice cracking. All Kurt could do was moan and nod affirmation, eyes still scrunched shut as pleasure radiated throughout his body from where Cooper’s tongue connected with him. “Tell me how it feels.”

Kurt whined, biting down on his lip as Cooper’s tongue finally probed his entrance, dipping in and out slowly before licking hard against Kurt’s inside wall and dragging out past the ring of muscle in a satisfying pop.

“A-amazing. So tender and gentle and _good_. His tongue is thicker than yours, I can feel it in the stretch.” He moaned as Cooper flattened his tongue as he probed all the way in, helpfully supporting his point. “But it’s not as long, it can’t reach all the way inside me like yours can.”

Sebastian groaned, and Kurt was able to open his eyes long enough to see him gripping the arms of the chair firmly, knuckles whitening, but he said nothing in response. Kurt let himself be swept away again by the pleasure of Cooper thoroughly working him open with his tongue.

After several minutes, it was replaced with a finger. Seeing as Kurt had just been stretched by something larger, he wanted to beg for two right away, but couldn’t find the words. Soon, but not soon enough, his prayers were answered, Cooper gripping his hip with one hand and working him open with the other, and Kurt having to risk his balance by reaching underneath to stroke himself in order to relieve some of the building tension. By the time Cooper had three fingers pumping in and out of him, Kurt was panting so hard, bucking into them with such force that he was surprised his entrance wasn’t engulfing Cooper’s hand whole.

Yes, this was _dimensions_ removed from what he’d dreamed about back in high school, but Kurt was far beyond caring. “Fuck me, please, _please_ just fuck me.”

“God, Kurt, you’re so fucking _hot_. Such a little fire cracker, I love it!” Cooper’s praise sounded genuine as he flipped Kurt over. He grabbed the pillow out from Kurt’s arms and tucked it under Kurt’s waist. He then reached overtop Kurt to the bedside table, coming back with a wrapped condom and lube that Kurt hadn’t even noticed but had obviously been placed there ahead of time.

“You don’t want me to suck you off?” Kurt questioned, shaking and a little concerned.

“Nah, no need.” Cooper said, gripping his erection, proudly demonstrating how stiff he was. “You don’t have to, see?”

“It’s not a chore!” Kurt insisted, only slightly offended. He tried to push himself off the bed, but Cooper held him steady.

“I’m so worked up from opening you up, I really just want to get inside you.” His voice was dripping with need, need for _Kurt_ , and Kurt could do nothing but lay back and comply. “You’re so hot like this, wanting me. If I’d known-, if I allowed myself to even see you as more than my kid brother’s—“

“In me, now,” Kurt rushed out, nearly choking on his own saliva.

Both because he desperately wanted it, and because he simply refused to even think about Cooper’s “kid brother” in more than abstract terms. Those ways lay madness.

Sebastian had been right to withhold the identity of his one-night suitor from him; even now, with Kurt loose and ready and shaking with need over wanting Cooper, a few stalled gears in his head started to turn and he really couldn’t afford think about the consequences of Cooper’s brother ever finding out about this. Not that they were best friends anymore or anything, but they were close enough and had a long enough history together that he'd warranted an invite to the wedding, along with the majority of the New Directions alum. He was far too uptight to ever understand what Kurt and Sebastian were doing, and he’d always been bitter about Kurt’s crush on Cooper.

What if he found out and felt betrayed and hated Cooper forever for this? Kurt certainly didn’t want to be a wedge that came between brothers; he knew how important family was. Or, oh god, what if he was jealous or hurt that Sebastian had asked Cooper and not him…

“Fuck!” Kurt groaned loudly as the blunt pressure against his opening, which he realized was now overly slick with lube, caused him to abandon that train of thought completely. The stretch and the burn that had been absent in Cooper’s sinfully expert rimming and fingering was suddenly present, but dulled due to how thoroughly he’d been prepared. Kurt fisted the sheets, shutting his eyes and letting out a high pitch whine as Cooper pushed in, ever so slowly, until Kurt felt the relief of the head slip past the still somewhat tight ring of muscle.

“Oh god, that’s fucking... You’re so—“ he bit out, back arched and neck craning his head back hard into the pillows.

Cooper, now seated firmly enough in him, grabbed Kurt’s legs and hitched his knees over top his own elbows. He leaned forward, moving from kneeling to hovering over Kurt, with Kurt spread wide and open, ready to receive. As Cooper settled down over him, his arm strongly pinned on either side of Kurt’s shoulders, he sunk in a little further and Kurt panted out the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. At this angle, with his legs pinned to his sides and his ass half-hovering in the air (they’d underestimated the need for pillows), Kurt was basically folded in half, and Cooper was the one holding him there, penetrating him slowly at the fulcrum.

“You okay?” Cooper checked, voice fairly broken now, sounding like it was taking all his effort not to thrust in fully.

Kurt gave a tiny nod, opening his eyes. “Yeah. Like you said, I’m flexible. It’s hard, but I can take it, it doesn’t hurt.”

Kurt blushed and then snorted, bringing his hands to his face and nearly rolling on his side with laughter once he’d realized what he said. “I meant it that way, too.”

Cooper chuckled above him and then leaned in to kiss. Kurt hooked an arm around the back of Cooper’s neck, and even though the kiss broke seconds later, Cooper’s head didn’t go further than a few inches above his face.

“Ready?” his lower body shifted slightly without sinking any lower.

“Since I was eighteen,” Kurt’s heart fluttered as he decided not to bother hiding the truth anymore. Cooper was here and he was _inside_ of him now; what did he have to lose?

Cooper smiled at that, and slowly Kurt felt the dull burn-stretch of being filled entirely, but in no way was the sensation unpleasant. When Cooper bottomed out, his sac sitting comfortably underneath his ass, Kurt groaned. “ _Yes, yes, yes_.”

Cooper moaned too, breaking eye contact and biting his lip as he pulled out slowly and pushed back in, the sweet drag of his length intensified by how tight Kurt was purposefully clenching.

 “Goddamn it, Kurt, so fucking tight.” Cooper spluttered through clenched teeth, head ducking down to the nape of Kurt’s neck.

Kurt pressed his face against the top of Cooper’s hair, the silky strands sticking to the light sheen of sweat now coating his face. He mewled with his eyes shut, tightening his arm around Cooper’s neck and bringing his other hand to grip lightly at the skin of his lower back, fingers digging into the groove of Cooper’s spine, able to feel the beginning and end of each slow thrust both inside and out, from the front and the back, the cause of propulsion and the effect of the magnificent invasion. He was literally surrounded by Cooper; the man of his dreams over him, around him, pinning him, in him. And as his pacing increased and his shallow breathing deepened, Kurt could feel from every angle when Cooper’s torturously slow thrusts became less about accommodation and more about pleasure.

Cooper pulled his head up and looked down at Kurt, swallowing, pupils blown so wide that the pools of blue became the thinnest of outlines. “Are you okay? Is this okay for you?”

Kurt nodded, choking back sobs. “I’m fantastic. You feel so good, so fucking amazing.”

Cooper tried to flash one of his trademark grins but it disappeared as he bit his lip the instant he bottomed out, moaning as he filled Kurt, stretching him wide, while Kurt hummed his gratification. Cooper dropped his head down, lifting his torso up by the strength of his arms and Kurt’s arm was forced to extend so his hand gripped the junction at the back of Cooper’s neck, his ass raised higher into the air by the shift in Cooper’s pelvis.

“What are you—“ Kurt began, but an unexpected shift in movement silenced his words, dragging a loud, low moan from him. Sparks of electricity shot through him and he saw stars.

Cooper was no longer simply pumping in and out of him; each thrust was now a long, languid roll of his hips, pressing slowly up and into Kurt before sheathing himself completely. Again and again, Coopers cock dragged along his prostate before driving its way home, bringing Kurt to the edge and stretching him to his limit. .Over and over, the deliberate, leisurely plunge made Kurt scream and cry out, hoping for sweet release while wishing it all could last forever. Cooper bent over to press soft kisses to his chest, moaning along with him, clearly enjoying the sensation of exploring Kurt’s depths.

After a time, however, after so many iterations of the same delightful anguish, Kurt needed more, needed different, needed faster, needed an end to the slow push-pull and get a chance to build towards his release. He tried angling his hips, pushing up with his legs to meet Cooper at their junction, but Cooper kept the same steady pace, clearly relishing the slow drag. Kurt wanted to ask, desperately wishing he had the ability to voice what he needed, but wave after wave of body-shaking pleasure, and a fear of breaking the mood, left him mute.

Kurt was at a loss for what to do. This didn’t happen to him, or at least, he couldn’t remember this happening to him. When everything was amazing, when he was riding on a decadent high, he never needed to ask for that little extra push, never had to form the words he didn’t know to ask for whatever he would never be able to verbalize anyway.

Kurt dropped his head back to the pillow, turning to the side. As he rode Cooper’s rhythm, his eyes connected with Sebastian’s.

_Sebastian_. He always just _knew_. Without words, Sebastian would just know what Kurt wanted, what he needed, how to give it to him. He _did_ read Kurt like a book. He knew Kurt’s limits better than Kurt knew his own, and he’d always found a way to push him to the edge, holding him there as long as absolutely possible before they both tipped over, together.

And suddenly, with Sebastian seated merely feet away, Kurt was struck with a fierce pang of missing him. He was _right there_ , watching with hungry, knowing eyes, and Kurt _missed him_. He needed him, needed Sebastian.

Kurt’s dream man was in him, around him, making him moan with pleasure and drowning him in euphoria with every thrust. By all standards, Kurt should’ve been in heaven. But as remarkable as everything was, how phenomenal he felt, Kurt was suddenly, _agonizingly_ aware that it was far from perfect. Every glorious movement of Cooper’s cock to stretch him felt hollow, every rolling motion to fill him to the brim left him empty. Everything ached beautifully. It was the very definition of bittersweet.

Kurt was in _paradise_ and he didn’t care because he wasn’t there with Sebastian.

And as he made this realization, cresting on the sensuality that brought it, he could see in Sebastian’s eyes that he knew too. Knew like he always knew, could sense that Kurt was just on the cusp of understanding what Sebastian had meant, what he’d gotten from this that he could never get from sex with Kurt. The deep longing for his other half, brought on by the bliss of someone else. It made Kurt miss him harder, need him stronger, and love him more than he’d ever known he was capable.

Sebastian’s eye softened and he grinned wolfishly at him. For the first time since Kurt had been swept up and away by Cooper, Sebastian finally appeared to enjoy what he was seeing. Which made all the difference in the world.

“I’m so close, _so close_ , Kurt.” Cooper panted, squeezing his eyes shut, the speed of his hip rolls increasing ever so slightly. “Fuck, you’re so tight, I’m gonna come soon.”

Kurt felt incredible, basking in the glow of his current revelation, but even though every stroke of Cooper inside him sent bright sparks of pleasure down his spine, he was not quite at the edge yet. He still needed the _harder, faster_ that he’d been too afraid to voice.

He gazed imploringly at Sebastian, remembering all the times when he’d been watching him. Kurt had always directed; partly to feel included, to feel like he was the puppeteer pulling the strings of _all_ Sebastian’s orgasms. But also because he’d known what Sebastian needed and sometimes the new guy was not nearly as perceptive. A kiss here, a stroke there, change the angle, spread him wider, hold him down, call him ‘Your Highness’; helpful tips to make the sex better for everyone involved. All Kurt wanted right now was a little reciprocation, especially since Sebastian would know exactly what to say to get Kurt exactly what he needed.

But Sebastian continued to smirk wickedly, tongue visibly poking his cheek, clearly intending to withhold assistance. Kurt wasn’t sure exactly what twisted game he was playing, but it was evident from the look on Sebastian’s face that Kurt was on his own.

_He wants to play it that way? Fine,_ Kurt gathered his resolve. _Enough of this virginal crap._

Kurt leaned up and forward, hooking his arm back around Cooper’s neck and catching him by surprise. He pushed his legs hard against Cooper’s arms, and Cooper took that as a signal to release them from Kurt’s sides, planting his hands on either side of Kurt’s head. Once Kurt’s feet touched back against the mattress, he used the power in his legs and hips to roll them both over while Cooper remained sheathed inside of him. They groaned in unison when they had completely flipped over, Cooper now laying flat on the mattress and Kurt coming down on top of him hard. After the jolt subsided, Kurt managed to reach over and grab the pillows that had been supporting his waist, pulling Cooper’s neck up and sliding them underneath his upper body, supporting him.

“Hot damn, Kurt!” Cooper seemed both surprised and impressed. “Where the hell did—“

“Just shut up and let me fuck you.” Kurt ordered breathily, not even caring if it was impolite because he needed to get off _now._

Cooper looked a little shocked, but laughed it off before squeezing his eyes shut and throwing his head back at the powerful clench Kurt had just unleashed on him. Kurt shifted his lower body, tilting his hips forward and curving his back. He moaned as he found the right position, with the head of Cooper’s cock pressed bluntly against his prostate. He experimentally lifted his hips and came back down hard, crying out as Cooper’s head brushed his sweet spot, but groaning in frustration as he was filled entirely. As fantastic as that felt, that wasn’t what Kurt was going for. He lifted himself up again, only half-way off Cooper’s length, switching from resting on his knees to squatting with his feet firmly flat against the bed. His left arm brought Cooper’s upper body off the bed, close to him. When he tried again, slamming himself down, Cooper’s cock drove directly into where Kurt needed it to go.

“ _Fuck!!!_ ” Kurt screamed, and reached a hand down to his own neglected cock before immediately setting a brutal pace with his hips, fucking himself down on sweet, clueless Cooper over and over. 

“Oh my god!” Cooper mumbled, propping himself up with one arm and reaching around to encircle Kurt’s back with the other. He pulled their faces close, foreheads touching, lips inches from each other but both were too enraptured in their own pleasure to move forward and seal the kiss. It didn’t take long for Kurt to work up a sweat at the intense pace he was going, but it didn’t take long for him to work himself to the brink either. He timed his strokes with every blunt connection of Cooper’s cock, sending bolts of electricity radiating though his body.  
  
Kurt gazed deeply into the pools of blue in front of him, so fucking turned on and nearly there, but it was chancing a glance to his side, seeing Sebastian gripping himself at the base of his cock, biting his lip and clearly struggling not to come right there that sent Kurt spiralling over the edge. He saw blinding white, stunned into silence at the power of his orgasm, riding on a wave of utter bliss as he came in hot streaks across Cooper’s chest.

Practically boneless in the aftershocks, he nearly teetered over but Cooper caught him, rolling them both over again with Cooper still inside of him. It only took a few power strokes before Cooper also froze, eyes rolling up and mouth hanging slightly open as he moaned. The only thought that Kurt was able to process in that moment was that Cooper even looked stunning when he came, feeling heady with the fact that now he actually _knew_ what that looked like. Cooper blinked rapidly, staring almost disbelievingly down at Kurt, before he fully collapsed on top of him.

“Ooof,” Kurt chuckled, shifting slightly to relieve some of the pressure on his groin; he was still extremely sensitive after all. Cooper just lay on top of him, panting heavily and shaking slightly, head in the crook of Kurt’s neck. Kurt himself was floating in the afterglow, wrapping his legs around Cooper’s hips and bringing a hand up to softly tangle his fingers in his hair, stroking lightly. He hummed with satisfaction, feeling Cooper’s breathing and heartbeat slowing over time, soothing him in a steady rhythm.

After a few moments, when the waves died down, Kurt began to return to himself. Through lidded eyes, he turned to find Sebastian, and was nearly roused from his half-slumber when the chair was empty. He sensed a presence at the side of the bed and heard Cooper mumble a protest, something about needing to ‘remember this feeling’, before the weight was lifted off of Kurt. He whined his own protest but it did no good, and he was too weak to do more. He heard the sounds of shuffling on the bed beside him, the gathering of clothes and soft whispers between the two other men that he could barely make out. Finally, a soft kiss was placed upon his forehead, and he opened his eyes to see Cooper’s gorgeous face hovering above him.

“That was incredible. And so eye-opening.” He said. “Thank you, Kurt.”

Kurt laughed weakly. “You’re kidding right?” He stretched his whole body, pointedly, and groaned. “Mmmm, thank _you_.”

Cooper flashed him a dazzling smile one last time. Kurt found it hilarious at how, even after what had just transpired, that could still reduce him to a puddle of goo.  
  
“See you at the wedding.” He winked, bringing his fingers to his mouth, making a locking motion as if to say ‘my lips are sealed.’

Kurt waved his fingers half-heartedly as he watched Sebastian escort a half-dressed Cooper from the bedroom, before sighing contentedly and nearly drifting off to dreamland in his post-coital haze.

But after he heard the distant sounds in the front hall cease and the sound of the front door slamming shut, Kurt’s eyes fluttered open to the sight of his fiancé standing in the doorway, arms braced against the door frame, shooting a fiery look that told Kurt that Sebastian had other plans.

Before he knew it, Sebastian was upon him, gripping him by the arm and practically yanking him out of the bed. Kurt stumbled to stand, but Sebastian’s grip on him was too tight to let him fall. Kurt felt as if his stomach had dropped out from beneath him, caught in Sebastian’s embrace, his heart palpitating as he looked up into Sebastian’s hungry eyes. He gripped Kurt hard at the waist, pulling him up and in so their bodies were flush, Sebastian’s throbbing erection grinding into Kurt’s stomach, and in his daze Kurt moaned and parted his lips to receive the kiss.

Sebastian, however, only tightened his grip and pressed his forehead down into Kurt’s, teasing the promise of a kiss before making Kurt whine as he pulled away. As he grunted as he ground against him harder, sliding a hand up Kurt’s back, he gazed deeply into Kurt’s eyes, searching. Kurt tried to lean in for a kiss again, but the hand, now at the base of his neck, held him steady.  
  
Sebastian growled, completely primal.   
  
" _My turn._ "


	6. Chapter 6

The next thing Kurt knew, he was being flipped around and practically dragged in the direction of the red chair. He scrambled to steady himself as he was flung on it, grabbing the top of the backboard and hoping that it was strong enough not to tip over. He felt himself being hiked up so he was on his knees, hands maneuvering his legs so he was spread wide. A shiver ran up Kurt’s spine as Sebastian’s hands groped his ass, squeezing hard enough to leave prints.

“How good was he, huh?” Sebastian challenged. Kurt moaned as he felt hands roaming all over him, behind him. Stronger than a caress, more demanding than a massage, the sensation of Sebastian’s hands on his ass, his hips, his legs, his belly, his chest, _everywhere all at once_ felt nothing short of total possession. “How much did you fucking love having that tool’s hands _all over_ you?”

“It was incredible,” Kurt sighed out, relishing the full bodied attention. He gripped harder at the top of the chair, back arching and head falling back, mumbling. “So fucking good, Bas. I get it now. You were right, you were so right, you’re always right…”

“Would you let him fuck you again?” The hand was back at the base of his neck and he was yanked back hard, the crack of his ass pressing into the thickness behind him while he felt Sebastian’s hot breath against his ear. “Would you let some pathetic, washed-up, shit-for-brains extra back inside you?”

“It felt so fucking good,” Kurt repeated mindlessly, shivering as Sebastian ran a hand up and down his torso. “He was so handsome and sexy and _good_ , Bas.”

Sebastian growled in his ear and shoved him back down, Kurt pressing his face against the soft cushion of the back of the chair. He practically squealed as he felt Sebastian’s finger trail down his crack, sweet sparks of pleasure running through him.

“God, he used so much fucking lube on you; you’re still _dripping_. Fucking amateur.” Sebastian spat. Kurt whined as Sebastian’s finger started to circle his hole, and then sucked in a gasp as he started to probe inside. Sebastian gasped too. “Holy shit, you’re still so fucking _loose_. I bet I could just—“

“ _Sebastian!_ ” Kurt screamed seconds later, when he barely felt the blunt pressure at his opening before Sebastian slammed inside of him, driving home and filling him completely. Sebastian gave him absolutely zero time to adjust, likely bruising Kurt’s hips with the strength of his grip as he pounded into him relentlessly. Every thrust hit his prostate, sending blinding jolts to his soft, over-sensitized cock and making him tear up with the searing intensity. It was on the verge of painful; it was way too much, way too fucking soon.

It was exactly what Kurt needed. 

“Oh god, oh my fucking god, Sebastian, I can’t, you just, fuck fuck fuck, harder, please don’t stop, _please_.” Words and obscenities and meaningless phrases tumbled forth from his mouth as he held onto the chair for dear life, taking everything Sebastian gave him and still begging for more because it could never be enough.

“You like that, huh, babe?” Sebastian interrogated, reaching and arm around him, sliding it up his chest and pulling, gripping just below the base of his neck. Kurt’s hands were ripped off the chair as he was yanked back against Sebastian while continually being pounded. Kurt reached his arm up and over his shoulder, eyes still lidded and whining in short, breathy pants as his hand found the back of Sebastian’s neck to steady himself, keeping his back flushed against his fiancé’s chest.  “You like getting fucked this hard, so soon after being fucked by another man?”

“I don’t know,” Kurt mused. Even though he was drowning in the overwhelming energy of the moment, even as the blistering strokes inside him nearly rendered him speechless, Kurt still managed to find his voice, smirking as he sought to provoke. “You like sliding into me _like butter_ after someone else’s cock already worked me open?”

“ _Fucking hell_ ,” Sebastian grunted out through gritted teeth, his grip on Kurt’s neck tightening, not nearly enough to choke but a firm squeeze nonetheless. Kurt twisted his head back to kiss Sebastian, but he dodged Kurt’s lips, hooking his head over Kurt’s shoulder instead. The pace of strokes became slower, but fuller; he stayed fully seated inside Kurt for only a fraction of a second longer, but the force behind each thrust reverberated through him. He was grateful for Sebastian’s arms wrapping around him, holding him together because each time Sebastian’s cock struck his core, Kurt felt like he was being split in two.

“ _Ahh_!” Kurt hissed, trying to reach down to pull Sebastian’s hand off of his now half- hard cock. “Not yet, too sensitive.”

But Sebastian smacked Kurt’s hand away and resumed gripping him at the base. “I want to see you get hard again. I want to feel you grow full in my hand as I fuck you.”

Kurt cried out. He arched is back, resting the back of his head on Sebastian’s shoulder and reached an arm behind both of them, pressing his palm hard against Sebastian’s lower back to steady him because he was now only balancing on the points of his knees and he was on the verge of passing out. He rode Sebastian’s bruising pace, keening and hissing as the motion forced him to fuck the circle of Sebastian’s hand. A quick shift in the angle, and Sebastian was driving back into his prostate and despite it pushing him to the very limits of physiological possibility, the _too much, too much, too much_ soon gave way to _more more more_ when he looked down to find himself fully hard again.

“That’s it,” Sebastian whispered. “I knew you could do it.”

Kurt let out a whine as Sebastian released Kurt’s cock, but is was quickly silenced when fingers probed his mouth. He closed his lips wantonly around Sebastian’s digits, sucking them off as they pumped into his mouth in time with Sebastian’s cock in his ass. He rolled his tongue over them greedily, moaning, deeply gratified to have Sebastian inside him two times over.

“Can’t get enough of me, babe?” Sebastian chuckled cockily. “I saw how disappointed you were when he wouldn’t let you suck him off. He doesn’t know how much you fucking love something in your mouth.”

Soon Sebastian pulled his fingers out and held his palm up to Kurt’s face, and Kurt gladly licked it, coating it in spit. His head dropped back again when Sebastian’s slick hand found his cock, and began pumping him. He was still oversensitive, but everything felt so fucking good, and with _Sebastian_ being the one to touch him in so many ways, it felt _right_.

“You’re mine,” Sebastian growled out as pounded Kurt at nearly breakneck speed, and Kurt just road out the wave, helpless and loving every second of it. “You’re mine and only I can do this to you, only I can touch you this way and make you come as hard as you’re about to when you thought you were already spent. You’re _mine._ ”

“Uhuh,” Kurt panted out, trying to hold on to both the chair and his consciousness as he felt himself slipping away.

“Fucking _say it_.” Sebastian demanded.

“I’m yours!” Kurt babbled. “I’m yours and you’re mine and I’m yours, _I’m yours_ and I’m so close, Bas, I’m so—“

“No.” Sebastian squeezed down hard on the base of his cock.

“Sebastian!” Kurt screamed.

“You’ve already come once tonight.” Sebastian said wickedly. “My turn. Then we’ll see about you.”

“ _Hnnng_ ,” Kurt keened. Sebastian released him from his grasp and tore Kurt’s arms from their backwards grip on him. He pulled Kurt’s knees back slightly, and bent him over, so that Kurt’s cheek was squashed again the seat of the chair. Kurt’s tried to gain purchase on the cushion but the material was to taut to let him grip anything, so he ended up using the back of the chair as a place to prop his hands against, mildly softening the blow of Sebastian’s now brutal pace.

He felt Sebastian fold up behind him, his chest now flush with Kurt’s lower back, the side of his stubbled cheek against Kurt’s shoulder blade. Both of Sebastian’s arms wrapped around his lower torso as he continually slammed into him, and Kurt couldn’t help but feel that the position was equal parts possession and love.

“You’re mine,” Sebastian repeated over and over, the phrase muffled against Kurt’s skin. He was sounding less demanding, less controlled, and it wasn’t going to be long before he tipped over the edge. “You’re mine and I don’t want you to ever forget it.”

“I won’t” Kurt whispered back, nearly sobbing. He punctuated every thrust he received with “I’m yours, I’m yours, I’m yours…”

Soon Sebastian was stuttering nonsense, moaning, and his arms squeezed Kurt’s body fully before he gave two long, pointed thrusts and Kurt felt the warm liquid burst inside of him.

“ _Mine, mine, mine_ ,” was Sebastian’s fevered mantra as he continued to thrust through his orgasm. Kurt’s heart ached, and he nodded against the cushion, whining and whispering “ _yes, yes, yes_ ” in reply. 

He was torn between utter satisfaction at being able to satisfy Sebastian so fully while being still so unfulfilled himself. He didn’t have to wait long, however, before the slick palm found his cock again and soon Sebastian was pumping him while gently thrusting his own oversensitive cock directly into Kurt’s prostate again. Kurt was building again at a lightning speed, electricity rocketing through him. He was nearly paralyzed with the heat and pressure, felt like he was glowing, like he was about to explode in a supernova.

“Sebastian, I’m going to—“ Kurt screamed, but seconds before he came, Sebastian pulled out of him and flipped him over in the chair. As soon as his ass hit the cushion, Sebastian’s mouth was on him, swallowing Kurt’s cock down whole and staring up at him with the same hungry eyes he’d had when they started. Knowing that Sebastian wanted him now, just as much as when the night began, was what Kurt needed to push him over the edge completely. He wailed as he gripped the back of Sebastian’s head, not bothering to care about how hard he was gripping his hair, and exploded in white bursts in the molten heat of Sebastian’s mouth. It was paradise, it was ecstasy. And it felt full and real and like home. Perfect in every way it hadn’t been moments earlier, with Cooper.

Sebastian, for his part, just took him all, every drop, crooning moans of contentment and smiling up at Kurt cheekily with his mouth still wrapped around him. Kurt let out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding, and slumped fully in the chair, utterly ruined.

“You broke me.” Kurt closed his eyes, bringing a hand up to his forehead while resting the other palm on his chest. “Won’t walk for a month.”

The loss of heat and a loud pop alerted him to Sebastian pulling off. Kurt’s eyes fluttered open to see Sebastian swipe a finger across his lips, seeing the glistening white liquid there for a split second before Sebastian popped it into his mouth, sucking and moaning contentedly. He then dipped down between Kurt’s legs again, and Kurt nearly protested, because he was just too sensitive and enough was _enough_ , before seeing Sebastian’s head dip down further, past his cock. He gripped Kurt at the base of his thighs and spread his legs wide, ducking down and running his long tongue lengthwise up his crack. Kurt mewled with pleasure, sucking in a breath when he felt the tongue circling his hole again, now achingly tender but soothed at the soft moistness. He keened when the tongue probed him, not caring how wet or sticky he felt because he knew exactly what Sebastian was doing.

“I need,” Sebastian said, “to taste,” he flicked his tongue in and out, “myself in you.”

Kurt purred contentedly, sinking down further into the chair and letting him.

“You’re mine,” Sebastian said, swiping his come-drenched tongue against his lips before sucking his lips into his mouth and groaning.

Kurt’s voice was hoarse from all the screaming, but he found the strength to speak, smiling wryly. “What happened to ‘I wouldn’t mind seeing you fuck other guys’?”

Sebastian ignored him, dipping back in to press his tongue in fully, before pulling up, crawling up Kurt’s body and dipping it into his mouth. Kurt accepted it greedily, sucking on the bitter taste of their combined fluids, happy to be finally kissing Sebastian at long last. Given everything that they’d gone through since their mouths last connected, it felt like it had been forever. Kurt’s heart swelled.

When Sebastian pulled back, he pressed a quick, chaste kiss to the tip of Kurt’s nose and repeated simply. “Mine.”

Soon Kurt felt arms pull him up, and he stumbled with Sebastian back towards the bed, collapsing in a tangle with him on the soft mattress together. They lay silent for several moments, facing each other, entwined in the messy sheets and just gazing appreciatively into each other’s eyes. Kurt ran a reassuring hand up and down Sebastian’s arm, and Sebastian grabbed Kurt’s other hand, interlocking their digits and pulling it to his mouth, pressing soft kisses to each of Kurt’s fingers. Kurt sighed.

“What happened?” Kurt repeated, eventually. He hoped he didn’t need to clarify what he meant.

Sebastian continued to kiss Kurt’s fingers, not daring to meet his eyes. “I was reminded that I never liked the other kids playing with my toys.”

“I thought that sex was meaningless,” Kurt bit back, teasing. “I mean, unless it’s with someone special; unless it’s not sex, but really intimacy.”

“That was the problem,” Sebastian continued. “You two didn’t look like you were just fucking. You looked like you were _making love_.” Sebastian’s expression was one of revulsion, and Kurt couldn’t contain his giggle. “No, really, it was obscene.”

 “So you hated it, then?” Kurt asked in earnest. “You didn’t get anything out of watching us?”

Sebastian paused, considering before shaking his head. “No, I definitely got something out of watching it. ‘Enjoy’ is a strong word, though. I was just so…”

“Conflicted?” Kurt offered when Sebastian didn’t finish. “Like everything about it was so hot and you liked getting to fully appreciate the sight of me getting off, and feel a sense of pride because you’re the one who ultimately is causing it, but there’s still a stab of jealousy and longing because you’re not the one doing it directly?”

Kurt grinned as Sebastian looked stunned, like he’d read his mind.

“Um, hello? _Kinda_ been there.”

Sebastian nodded, eyes dropping to the bed, clearly shy about his reaction. “Yeah, I’m really a more ‘hands-on’ kind of guy, apparently. Not so keen on the indirect route.”

Kurt sighed, shuffling forward to close the gap between them and plant a small kiss on his lips.

“Well,” he mused. “That’s too damn bad. I’ve gotten a taste for it now, thanks to you. Bring me every eligible man in New York City; Kurt Hummel is ready to take on the town.”

Sebastian groaned, laughing. “Oh, fuck you. I didn’t hate it; I just felt like…watching you so totally hypnotized by him, like he was goddamn prince charming on a white stallion or something, it felt like…ugh, it’s so fucking stupid, he’s not even gay. But it didn’t matter because I only ever give a shit about how you feel, and it looked like you were _falling in love_ with him.”

“Oh, I could never love Cooper. Not really,” Kurt said definitively, shaking his head. “For so many reasons, I could never.”

“I know that, but it didn’t make it any easier to watch. Seeing you, with him, like that…not just fucking him, that was whatever. But like _that,_ with all the kissing and the glancing and the caressing and _seriously all the fucking kissing_ ,” Sebastian’s eyes flared, “…it felt like losing you.”

Kurt’s heart panged, and he let out a sob. Sebastian kept his eyes averted.

“You’re the first stable thing I ever wanted for myself. The one constant… the person who saw more in me than just a spoiled, sleezy douchebag. Who saw value in me way beyond that, when I couldn’t even see it for myself. I could never stand losing you, I—“ Sebastian turned, wiping away a tear Kurt hadn’t even seen forming. “I actually think that with the not-so-right guy, I’d have fucking loved tonight. Seeing you, taking charge, using him to get yourself off? That part was epic. Glorious. God, you’re incredible.”

It was Kurt’s turn to get shy. “So you’d be open to it again? I mean, like, for either of us?”

“I uh…” and there was Sebastian pausing again and wow, was it a difficult thing for Kurt to get used to. But truthfully, he secretly liked seeing this side of him; vulnerable and unsure. It meant that Sebastian trusted him enough to let him see him like this.  It meant everything. “Well, that depends.”

“On?” Kurt asked hesitantly.

Sebastian’s eyes narrowed, evaluating him. “If you felt _it_.”

Kurt’s eyes widened, and he nodded profusely. “Oh yes, _yes!_ I totally get it.”

“Mmm?” Sebastian’s eyebrows shot up, inquisitive.

“It’s like,” Kurt searched his mind for what he was feeling at the time, trying to be somewhat eloquent. “Everything can be great, it can feel amazing, you can be satisfied physically, but it’s so clearly _only_ physical. Like, for the first time in my life, my emotions and my body were two completely separate entities. It was meaningless, but it still meant so much. How, even though it was phenomenal and it was Cooper _freaking_ Anderson, I wished it was you. It made me miss you; it felt so good and I loved every second, but above everything, it only served to remind me how much I love you.” Kurt bit his lip. “Am I close?”

Sebastian grinned.  “I’d say you’re dead on.” He planted a kiss on Kurt’s forehead, and pulled back to stare at him lovingly.

“So?” Kurt asked after a while.

“So what?” Sebastian responded absently, too caught up in their glow to remember.

“Do you want there to be a next time?” Kurt repeated.

“Do you?” Sebastian shot back.

Kurt rolled his eyes. “I wouldn’t be _opposed_.”

Sebastian licked his lips. “Me neither.” He squinted. “But not for a long time. And not until after the wedding.”

“Deal.” Kurt agreed, effervescent at remembering that, oh yeah, they had a _wedding_ coming up.

“And definitely not with Cooper _fucking_ Anderson,” Sebastian mocked, adopting Kurt’s higher pitch, and Kurt slapped him playfully.

“I still can’t believe you got him to agree to it,” Kurt said, not bothering to hide that the fanboy that was still inside him. “I mean, brother issues aside, you’d think he’d be worried about something like this damaging his career.”

Sebastian snorted, and started to laugh, turning his head to chuckle into the bed.

Kurt’s forehead crinkled and he frowned, not appreciating being left out of the joke. “What?”

“Oh,” Sebastian said through his laughter, “I think that, if anything, tonight gave a _boost_ to his career.”

Kurt twisted his mouth, narrowing his eyes, and waited expectantly for further explanation.

After calming down a bit, Sebastian supplied one. “He’s a porn star.”

“WHAT!?” Kurt squawked, and Sebastian burst into laughter again.

“What were you expecting?”

Kurt gaped. “For him not to be a porn star?!”

“Well, to be fair, he’s not really a ‘star,’” Sebastian reasoned, not satisfying Kurt in the slightest. “That’s actually how I approached him about tonight. I saw him doing some shitty straight, soft-core shit—“

“Wait, wait, wait. You were watching straight porn?” Kurt was stunned. “Wait, you were watching _soft-core_  porn?”

“You said it yourself, Kurt Hummel; I like variety.” Sebastian shrugged. “It’s a once in a blue moon kind of thing, by the way, if you’re worried I’m going to bat for the other team now or something.”

Kurt just blinked at him, disbelieving. “So, _Cooper_ was doing _porn_ …”

“Yeah, so when I found him last week, figuring he’d be clean because porn actors are required to get routine checks, and he’d just gotten the results of his last one and he was. I told him that in gay porn, it’s the men who star, which really appealed to him because he felt he wasn’t getting enough of ‘face time.’” Sebastian laughed. “I proposed our little encounter as a chance for him to experiment and…”

“Oh my god,” Kurt was suddenly struck with a memory from earlier that night, and he brought his hands to his face as his jaw dropped. “He said he wanted to use this as an audition tape!”

“Yeah, and I never said anything about filming, for the record. This was just supposed to be practise.”

“Practise!” Kurt was indignant. “ _Practise?_ That’s all this was to him? A chance to get used to having sex with men so he could do it _on camera_?”

“You just told me it was meaningless,” Sebastian pointed out. “Was he supposed to not feel the same?”

“I-,” Kurt huffed. There went his whole fantasy. “I just… _I’d hoped_ his being attracted to me was more than mere _acting_ , is all.”

“Oh, that was definitely real,” Sebastian reassured Kurt. “You know he can’t act for shit, right? I was actually getting a little pissed off; he was _not_ supposed to be that into you. That’s one of the reasons I picked him.”

Kurt bubbled at that. “Really? You thought he was _in_ to me, for real?”

“Meaningless,” Sebastian reminded him.

“Whatever,” Kurt rolled his eyes, still beaming with pride. “ _Cooper thinks I’m sexy_.”

“ _Cooper’s doing porn now_ ,” Sebastian retorted in the same sing-song voice. “And fuck, he has the perfect name for it too; he’s not going to need to change a damn thing. Plus he’s hot, and as someone who witnessed first-hand, despite how annoying it was to watch when it was happening _with you_ , he’s going to look great fucking on camera.” Then Sebastian burst out in another fit of laugher. “Oh my god, what if he does change his name and Blaine goes online to jerk off one day only to get a face-full of his brother’s ass?”

“Oh my god.” Kurt shrieked. “What if it happens before the wedding! And the whole time, I’m sitting there and I know why he looks so uncomfortable and feeling so guilty because _we_ were the ones who turned him to it and—“

But Kurt was cut off as Sebastian’s relentless cackling become overpoweringly loud. Kurt actually punched his arm.

“You are evil. I’ve mentioned that, right?” Kurt deadpanned.

“Guilty as charged,” Sebastian chuckled as he pulled Kurt closer, tucking Kurt’s head under his chin. “But you love me for it, right babe?”

“I love you _in spite_ of it, yes.” Kurt muttered into Sebastian.

“Still mine?” Sebastian asked earnestly, stroking the back of his neck.

“Still yours.” Kurt sighed, pressing a feather-light kiss into Sebastian’s chest. “And you’re still mine.”  
  
Sebastian cooed, stroking his hair. "Always."


End file.
